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Lots and lots happening. Sometimes a little too fast and a little too much. Seriously, when "they" say: be careful what you wish for...they really mean it. I've been struggling with the decision to quit or at least go part time at my desk job (and fantasizing and thinking oh if only this were to happen or if that - it'll be a sign) and just when I decide I was going to give it my all again at the desk job while still pursing my dreams because this was the best and smartest plan/route for my family right now..this did happened and definitely that happened too..I don't know. I'm pretty tied up in knots right now. I really don't know what to do.

It really makes sense to stick to my job for now, and to continue burning the midnight (and 2 am) oil working on making my dreams a reality. I started reading this book called Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job by Jon Acuff, and it's pretty good so far, so we shall see..

This is where I start to really get down on myself and think - wow, I really wasted a good decade of my life partying and or doing a lot of failed attempts at what I wanted for myself because I either wasn't valuing myself and got all mixed up with a boy and figured out all too late that - saving money would be good. I always hated money, but probably because I never had it. I never emphasized the need or importance of money because I know that what's important can't be bought - but you know, money sure does help on a lot of things. Of course my family is important, but the roof over our heads is pretty important too, not to mention the food on our table, the clothes on our backs etc..

Sigh..anyway, it's all good. I mean, these are good problems (sort of). It always could be worse and I'm pretty sure someone else out there with worse is doing better so it doesn't help to wallow and spend my energy on what I can't do, what I can't control. That's just a waste of valuable time. It's not a road block, it's just new terrain.

Anyway...I have an old post I've been meaning to publish - have you all heard of the liebster award? I've heard of it but also knew it wasn't really an award, per se, I mean - what are you awarded with? Anyway, I've been meaning to write about it and at least keep my end of the deal..

*One of the links is an affiliate link, if you click on the link it will direct you to the amazon page where, if you choose to purchase, I will get a (very small) percentage for leading you to that site and you purchasing. You're price does not change due to this affiliate link.

Sorry for the somber post yesterday. Like I said, it's a very emotional/bittersweet time for me. Anyway..My Mother's day was pretty plain but pretty awesome.

I got out of bed at 11 am. Yes, you read that right. ELEVEN AM!! WHAT?! I woke up to breakfast being made and coffee ready for me and a handmade card from my loves that of course had me cry. 

We spent the day lounging, being lazy and with no schedules (except for the nap schedules, of course!). Charlie blew up our kiddie pool (my birth pool, actually - quite fitting for the day, don't you think?) and had a little pool time with the kids while I read some magazines (it has been forever since I could do that, uninterrupted) and had my coffee outside - and took pictures.

Hope you all had a lovely Sunday and a wonderful Mother's Day!

But hey, it's something isn't it?

Spent a little time at a pool this weekend. I thought the kids would have loved it a lot more than they did..but in the end we all had a great time and I got to see an old friend, I haven't seen in a while. Always good to reconnect. Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

I brought out my camera again during bath time. Probably because, it's one of the only times I get to/need to slow down and take it all in and pay attention-for obvious reasons. Surprisingly, this time around, Jax was very willing to have his photograph taken. Usually now, he's just about had it with me & my camera.

Raima has been doing great at Jax's daycare and we've just received word that she can start full time sooner than we all thought! Since she's only 19 months and not quite 2 yet, the part time care was sort of a trial run to see how she would do amongst the older kids. Thankfully, she's been doing great!

In other news, operation get the kids sharing a room is still..quite an operation. But we're chugging along.

Bills bills bills. Again, still chugging along and surviving. Our grocery bill is a little higher now since Charlie's crossed over to the dark side and has started eating poultry. But it sure makes dinner time much easier on me. I may have to look at getting a crock pot to do one pot recipes.

Lets see, what else: in my photography biz news, things are coming along. I have many 20 hour nights where I work non stop and what very little spare time I have, try and juggle it with my family and my business. But that's ok. I don't mind putting in the work (and thankful that i have the support & help from Charlie) because I'm learning a lot and getting better each day. I have some personal projects in the works and plan on going to galleries in hopes of possibly getting exhibited. So, we'll see. My day job- same ol same ol...but I shouldn't complain. It provides me with flexibility, insurance for my family and even business experience. I'm thankful, cause I know it could be a lot worse and I could have a lot more excuses.

Anyway, I'll shut up now..here are some photos:

I had to throw in a color image - but I think that image is still startling in some way that I can't quite put my finger on? Could be just the green tint of our bathroom, though. Probably could use better color correction, but I kinda like it as it is. What do you think?

Hopefully you all are having a wonderful weekend, and some of us can sleep a little better at night. I know we've all been reading and or listening to the news lately on very important and scary things, like gun control and background checks and of course - Boston..So hold on to your families, be grateful for what you have now and take some time to slow down and take it all in..until next time folks...my love to you all!

We were hit last weekend by the nasty stomach bug that is going around but I think we are finally getting over it. Phew! I'm feeling a tad better now, enough that I am able to get to some photography to do list and go through my images from a couple of weeks ago and actually get around to some edits! FINALLY. Now my problem is editing my edits down to just 20 - 30 of my client's best images to post in their gallery...I'm sure the more I get the hang of it, the less emotional I'll feel towards some of the images and be more cut throat and efficient! We shall see.

Anyway, aside from that nasty bug which hit Raima the hardest..(oh and at first I thought Jax was totally faking it so that he could watch some tv. because when he's sick, he gets to veg out for an hour on the couch with some shows, like yo gabba gabba and the like...you see, everyday at pick up in the car ride home, Jax always tells me he's not feeling well. So, I just thought it was one of those - except I was proven wrong with some projectile vomit..so naturally I felt terrible that I thought he was faking it - terrible mommy!)..not much else has been going on in the wagner household, except I've submitted two things on the topic of breadwinner moms/non traditional roles etc..and actually got a reply back from one of them. Nothing big or anything just that they want to talk with me. It's a documentary about breadwinner moms and their familes, called the Big Flip - you can find out more about it here. I saw it on a post on my FB page and thought, why not..what's the worst that can happen?..nothing really, right?!

We've been meaning to connect  (the producers and I) so we could talk and also formally introduce myself (plus have them ask me questions to see if we fit into what they are looking for, I'm sure) but because of the stomach bug hitting our house, well - that didn't happen. I hope to speak with them this week though - I'll keep you posted.

I know I've been a little MIA but it's been hard to do everything with the little bit of "free" time I have. If you haven't already, you can find some updates here - but that usually only involves photography & business related stuff.

"A portrait of my family, once a week, every week {sort of} in 2013."

"A portrait of my family, once a week, every week, in 2013"

Wow, is it really already the 5th week? that can't be right.

Jax: Has been such a little boy lately. The conversations these kids have with each other and with us - it's funny, surprising and sometimes a little shocking - they really are growing up!

Raima: Her personality has been coming out full force lately. She is a goofball and will perform when you ask her to. She loves to make you smile and laugh. She also likes to bug her big brother and start a whining contest. I need to start transitioning her out of our bed and into sharing a room with Jax...sigh..growing up, I tell ya..growing up...

So, let's see what else.. lots going on in the Wagner household. Ok, not really. I did our taxes, that's one thing that is done and DONE! A couple of years ago we got a really big refund, which yes is great and all but in actuality not really. That means you've given your money up for a free loan to the government during the year, when really you could of kept more of your money throughout that year for yourself instead. If you ever get a large refund, you should probably adjust your W4 witholdings - but hey, I'm not a tax expert or a CPA - so take my not real advice with a grain of salt. After that refund, I made sure to adjust our W4s - we still did get a refund but not a huge one. At first when I was doing it (I use turbo tax, by the way) it said I owed money - YIPES!

So, it's SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!! And the San Francisco 49ers are in it! In case you were wondering..so you bet we will be watching - we would not be SF Bay area folk if we didn't. We had been invited to a couple of kid friendly parties which was great. we at first were going to go to our friends who we helped celebrate their son's first birthday - and where I got to take lots of photos! YAY! but then we got invited to another one and these folks we hadn't seen in well over a year! their littlest isnt so little anymore and well it was also closer..so, yeah, i know, im lame. sorry for not typing this out using correct capitalization but im nursing as i type this so..it will have to do.

What else? Oh yeah, so I have some photo session clients lined up - and I am SUPER EXCITED!! Some birth photography and a family session! WOOT! And it was all because of me taking the leap of faith and ignoring my fears and reaching out to people I knew. I really owe it to Nova Midwifery (who were my midwives for both of my kids homebirths) who posted on their facebook page about my photography stuff. SO THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

I guess I may owe them another baby to catch...just kidding..

Visit the other wonderful bloggers on this 52 Portrait a week project and add your own!

"A portrait of my family, once a week, every week, in 2013."

I seem to always take out my camera during bath time. I missed the posting of this 4th week..so, I'm posting it now. If you haven't yet, take a look at others who are participating in the 52 portrait a week project, over at Che & Fidel blog here. There is also still time to link up with your very own!

"a portrait of my family, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Raima: Is loving bath time these days. It's great since it was only a few months ago she hated taking a bath and water in general. Nowadays, you can't keep her out of the bath tub. Now the only problem is getting her out!

Jax: We're still experiencing some difficult nights with Jax but it has certainly gotten better. Today he got to spend some fun times with his "classmates" at a football party (woot! Niners! thrown by the parents, while I was at a photo shoot (photos of that will be here, soon).

I wanted to let you guys know of this photo project that a friend of mine is doing. He's planning on sending out a postcard a day of his photography. Check out the site here, and if you guys wanna receive one, sign up over here.

There is also this other weekly project I stumbled upon - check it out!

And remember, you can still join in on the 52, a portrait a week project. Link up here:

"a portrait of my family, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Charlie: has been very supportive of my time and effort put into blogging, photographing and my other creative endeavors. As we speak, he's taking the kids out to the park so I can get to my past due assignments & projects. (Thank you)

Jax: when we were at Target the other day, he found this hello kitty "camera" and now uses it constantly. He even directs us to do things so he can take photos.

Raima: is growing right before our eyes. She finally said mama! She's added yah, hot and a couple of other words to her repertoire. Her favorite is trying to play with her brother, although Jax isn't too keen on this yet.

Yesterday, I was invited to my friend's really fun baby shower at a tea room in San Francisco! It was so cute to see moms with their daughters and even dads too. I really wanted to take some photos of the other patrons but, I chickened out (again). Photos will be up on my photography site, if you care to take a look.

Happy Sunday!


A 52 weeks portrait project, to find out more, click the button above or link up at the Che & Fidel Blog.