Sorry for the somber post yesterday. Like I said, it's a very emotional/bittersweet time for me. Anyway..My Mother's day was pretty plain but pretty awesome.

I got out of bed at 11 am. Yes, you read that right. ELEVEN AM!! WHAT?! I woke up to breakfast being made and coffee ready for me and a handmade card from my loves that of course had me cry. 

We spent the day lounging, being lazy and with no schedules (except for the nap schedules, of course!). Charlie blew up our kiddie pool (my birth pool, actually - quite fitting for the day, don't you think?) and had a little pool time with the kids while I read some magazines (it has been forever since I could do that, uninterrupted) and had my coffee outside - and took pictures.

Hope you all had a lovely Sunday and a wonderful Mother's Day!

No amount of books (even though I read a whole lot!), advice - solicited or not - is going to completely prepare someone on becoming a parent until it actually happens. Until it's just all there- in your face- the crying, the demands, the poop, the puke, the cute, the joy, and the chaos. Until baby is there, until it's all very real. And very real is most often very different than in the books. It's not that the books play up the sugar and spice and everything nice bit (boys are these things too by the way), ok they do a bit but it's really not easily put into words. There is no single recipe that magically answers it all for every parent and that works for every child. But some of these books, the advice, and the blogs do offer a sense of comradery (or is it camaraderie). It really helps to know that you are not alone and that other people are going through (or have gone through & survived) the mixed emotions and the chaos as well as all the good stuff. It's amazing how a little human being can set your heart instantly at ease as well as send you off into crazy panic and all sorts of discomfort often within a few hours of each other. Although I think there can be a little bit of information overload and one can start to doubt themselves and their own instincts. I know I do at times, especially when I start comparing myself and my children. It's much easier said than done, to not compare at all. But sometimes through those comparisons, I find myself readjusting things to suit my needs and family - so sometimes, its good. It adds to my parenting arsenal the experiences of other parents.

Anyway, I don't remember where I was getting at with this post but motherhood, or parenting, as they say, is not for the faint of heart. I don't admit to knowing any of the answers. I definitely don't know what I'm doing sometimes, but my kids seem to be good and doing ok. They survive each day with me and tell me they love me. They know who I am despite me going to work 8 hours out of their day. And at the end of the day - it's them who matters most. But I know how hard it is to tune others out. You just have to give yourself a break sometimes and throw your hands up in the air, take a breath and jump into the support from family, friends and the parenting community that is available - because in the end we are all just trying to be the best parents we can be.

Photo credit: Beto Lopez

My dear friend Rosalyn, gave birth to her first baby, a boy, this past week. So Happy Birthday Alileo Roger Acosta and Happy Birth giving day to you Roz!

The playlist on grooveshark is having a little hiccup (redesigning? for a pay service, perhaps? I'm not sure. Could just be me though.) but if you wanted to have a listen to what I did line up, you can go to this link. Then there is this other music site. I originally found out about it from Inspired to Share. If you've never been to Colleen's site, you should head on over there. I had bookmarked it specifically for her dream job series. I'm glad I found it again. Man, I really need to get thru all 67+ blogs on my reader!

(*Update: I got it to work :) it just took a little finagling)


Anyway, 8tracks is free and they say it's like a curated pandora, but I haven't had time to fully check the site out. There is also Rdio (our friend's husband works there) but in order to be able to listen to the playlist I create, you will have to be an Rdio subscriber, which you can get a free trial to. Most tech folks say that it's a bit better than spotify on some areas, if you haven't checked them out yet, you should. Maybe it's the music streaming service you were looking for? Me - I still listen to records and pandora (sorry Brett) because it's free. Right now, money is tight or rather nonexistent (damn it I just remembered I need to pay for my DMV registration).

I also wanted to share some sites I have on my reader. Maybe check the links out this week, if you haven't been already:

• Modern Parents, Messy Kids - A good & varied site of parenting/life topics. I found them awhile back before their re-design, when I was looking at how to organize the chaos and found this. (And Randalin, I think you should write them to include your montessori posts for their series.)
• Closet Visit - think the Selby but in people's closets!
• House of Habit - which is where I originally found the above site from.
• The Glow - again, like the Selby except having to do with mothers but very different from my reality of motherhood.
• The Longest Shortest Time - A blog about the truth of early motherhood by Hillary Frank. Her radio work has aired on This American Life, Morning Edition, and All Things Considered, just to name a few. (I was actually interviewed by her! My 15 mins of fame was a long while ago tho. But if you want to share your story about parenting, please contact her!)

Have a wonderful week! Happy Monday!

Often, when I am reading blogs, as I do on a daily basis, I will easily start to feel a little inadequate (ok, a lot inadequate) as I compare myself to these wonderful mothers, their children, their homes and their lives. I start to narrowly take a look at my life and think, why can't my life be like that? how can it be like that?

I wish my house was constantly spotless, but I will settle for tidy (in most areas).  I wish my children would listen to what I say the first time around, but I will settle for following my directions after the third (or fourth or fifth) try. I wish I was more fashionable, but I will settle for (the appearance of) pulled together, at least on 3 out of 5 work days. I wish things came easier to me and that frustrations would roll off of me as if I had been practicing zen Buddhism for years, but I will settle for being mindful and quiet when I am challenged and understand that it is OK to sometimes walk away from a situation to gain a better perspective.

In a world where we tell our children and ourselves to never settle, sometimes we should do just that (not in everything but in some things).  We tell our children to embrace their individuality.. We try and tell our children to not compare themselves to others and to find in themselves that they are complete and beautiful creatures. Strange how it is much more difficult to embrace my own snippets of (supposed) wisdom as if I somehow don't have anything to learn as well, because I am the adult, I should know better. But the truth is, I sometimes don't. No one is perfect, and if they tell you they are, they're lying and or have a wait staff to help with everything.

It's hard to slow down in our fast paced world. I know I am guilty of this rush rush rush mentality and I can become easily frustrated (with my kids and or husband especially). If I could just remember to stop (collaborate and listen..crap, I mean), take a breath, slow down and be patient, things will seem easier and become simpler. Anyway, I want to slow down a bit more, stop and smell the roses as they say, enjoy the present....

source: Volan in the Sky

Happy Birthday to you mom. I think of you always. You would have been 57 years old and a grandmother of two. One who is named after you, Corazon. Befitting that she has my heart.

My mom always had time to call you, and I don't mean just her children..she always had the time for you. I know, she was a mom so its a given right? I never understood it until I became a mother myself and was fully immersed in it all, the duties, the politics..it really is sometimes a thankless job. It's something that I regret to this day...not thanking her enough, not seeing how aside for her being a mom to me, she was someone's daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend - she was an individual and I was just..being a kid (even until my twenties). Oh the fights we would have. Anyway, I don't dwell much on the negatives but I see it and I think of them only to learn from them, since I have a daughter now. Especially because I have a daughter now.

Mom at her 52nd Birthday

Anyway..MOM - you were (and are) a wonderful mother - don't let anyone tell you otherwise...you have taught me so much, even now..HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My mom when she was little - middle girl, age approx. 6?

Mom in her high school or college days? - left picture she is the one on the end at right.

Mom & me circa 1979-80?

Mom & me - aged 14, the 90's can't you tell by my swatch watch!

 Happy Friday to you all...big weekend this is, isn't it? Halloween festivities!

Sorry,  I know that was really terrible of me to try and be clever like that with the title and be so corny. So anyhoo...Currently, I am working on designing an e-commerce website that sells handbags. I even got to pick out a handbag to take home AND was taken out to lunch (and ate al fresco!) where I enjoyed an adult conversation instead of my normal work day behind a desk in an office office! This is for my boss’ wife, so it was all during my regular working hours. Technically, they are getting me for cheap since normally, my design services are at a much higher rate (who am I kidding, whenever I have done it for friends – it has been either for dinner, trade or free. It’s hard to charge your friends because you want to help them succeed. How do you charge for that? Obviously if this was my bread and butter – I probably wouldn’t have issues about charging!).

I started to feel my right (the "go to" boob or the meal boob. the left one is just the snack/grazing boob) breast get full at oh say 9 am on wednesday morning. I ignored it (an obvious mistake) thinking - my pump session is the next hour. it can wait. In hindsight, I realized I should have just gone and pump. you see, that morning I didnt nurse Jax on that side, like I normally do (another mistake). and nursed on the left one since it usually is neglected (but with no subsequent problems).

it was obvious that i had a clogged duct because unfortunately, its something i have already experienced and thus, should have known better. but when have i ever listened to my body or paid attention to the pains it has and done something about it? never. unless of course you count that time i was in labor. in case you dont know and have not experienced it (and i hope to god you never do) a clogged duct is when one of the milk ducts in your breast gets blocked and inflamed, and the milk cannot flow regularly out of the breast. The signs of a clogged duct, in my case anyway, was that some of my breast (the top part) remained hard and tender with lumps closer to the nipple (i have had the lumps in different areas and even under the arm pit - which is way more painful), that remain even after nursing or pumping. Nursing was, IS, painful but for me it was that - hurts so good kind of feeling.

one order of razor blades to the nipple please

So, how do you go about unclogging the ducts? the usual, most widely given remedy is to nurse, nurse, nurse - did i tell you how it was sorta painful? yeah, well its like razor blades. it also helps to place heat on the affected breast, or take hot showers/baths and or (almost forcefully) massage the breast while nursing or taking the hot showers/baths.

i did the hot showers AND the hot baths. hot compress, pressure massage, nursing then pumping, and more nursing and pumping and even more nursing - but i could only do these remedies properly while at home. at work? well, its just difficult. it has been 2 days and while it isnt AS bad as it was, its still not good. i know for a fact that, if i were at home instead of at work, i think i would have recovered by now, since ultimately pumping is NOT the same as nursing. no matter how great (and expensive) your pump is, it can never beat nor completely mimic your baby's sucking ability. oh and by the way, on top of all this - yesterday, probably due to a lot of side lying position nursing and other wacko nursing positions to relieve this - i have a wicked stiff neck.

since i am not the type to panic and knowing from a previous bout with a much more progressed clog (got chills, then a slight fever and other flu like symptoms. which are signs of infection!! BAHHH. having had a full day of rest - no work - and only nursing, i fully recovered after 72 hours.) i feel like if i just continue with what i am doing it will just run its course. ive been getting lunch time nursing visits with jax in order to speed up the recovery process but thank god the weekend is just about here so all i can do from 5 pm on today is rest and nurse, nurse, nurse!

one order of a paying job equals a clogged experience?

Clogged ducts will occur when your breasts arent drained completely and or properly (aka, the dreaded poor latch). some other causes are:

• an improperly fitted or poor quality bra (esp. one with an underwire)
  
• breastfeeding infrequently - missed or skip feedings, or irregular breast feeding schedules
  
• sickness and or stress (tell me mamas, when arent you stressed?)
  
• employment - yes, employment, meaning a job outside of the home (is this punishment?).
  
  From La Leche League - "Women employed outside the home need to be aware of the warning signs of mastitis, especially when they first return to work and are adjusting to the demands of work and motherhood. Separated from their babies, they need to pump regularly to avoid overfull breasts, plugged ducts, and possible mastitis. In addition, employed mothers need to schedule their days to allow adequate time to rest and care for themselves as well as their babies."

I hope you never have to experience a clogged duct, but if you are a breast feeding mother with an abundant supply, chances are you will have a few (yes, i said a few. especially if you are a working mom). Here are some things you should know and or can try:

Heat - you can use a compress, soak in a hot bath or take a hot shower, and or place a heating pad on the affected breast. Heat will help bring blood to the affected area and warm and loosen the clogged duct. No heat pad? dont worry, there is no need to buy a specifically made heat pad for the boob (but if you are inclined to buy those, you can find one here and here) you can do the following if you dont have a heat pad or hot water bottle -

1. you can make your own heat pad by filling a regular tube sock (clean ones preferably, unless you want a little flavor with yours) with uncooked rice - fill to the desired pliability and then sew the end up. You can put this in the microwave or oven (wrap it in foil for the oven NOT the microwave of course) OR place it in your freezer or fridge as well for cold use. You can also add essential oils or herbs for some soothing aromatherapy.

2. If thats not your thing you can also just fill a small mason jar (or any small type jar with a good lid) with hot water (not too hot so you dont burn yourself!) and use it to roll and massage the affected breast. I also just tuck it into my bra and it stays in place no problem. in fact, one is situated in my bra right now.

Massage - massage the clog and work your way toward the nipple. You should feel a hard or lumpy texture where your breast is clogged. It will hurt a little or a lot to massage and put pressure, but keep working at it. start behind the clog or hardened tender area and move on down toward the nipple.

Nurse and or pump - the idea is to keep milk flowing despite the clog. You want the breast to be as empty as possible, so it doesn't create more clogs or complicate the one you already have (if left untreated, it can lead to an infection). Try nursing and then pumping afterwards and nursing in different positions too - one way is to lay the baby on his/her back and you on all fours so that your boob dangles straight down into his mouth - yes, what a funny sight if someone were to walk in on you. Some sources say it helps to have your baby nurse with their chin toward the clog. yeah, i know. if this were the case, id have to hold him upside down! i know all of this sounds crazy, but once you have found yourself with a clogged duct - you will be searching for that magic cure out there anywhere by any means possible. like lick a tootsie roll upside down while singing twinkle twinkle little star? sure, so as long as it relieves the damn pain! (that is not a known remedy by the way - but it may have your baby go into a giggle fit)

you can also take tylenol or ibuprofen to bring down any inflammation or help alleviate some of the pain. i am always hesitant to take any sort of drugs (such a change from my earlier years - before kid) but even my midwives, who i trust dearly, have said that it is ok to take ibuprofen. i personally dont like tylenol as it has never relieved anything. both are said to be safe for breastfeeding.

for repeat offenders, some sources say taking lecithin helps to reduce clogged duct recurrence. Soy lecithin is a naturally occurring fatty acid and a common food additive. There are no known contraindications to its use by breastfeeding mothers. the usual recommended dosage for recurrent plugged ducts is 3600-4800 mg lecithin per day, or 1 capsule (1200 mg)3-4 times per day. After a week or two with no blockage, you can reduce the dosage by one capsule. If there is no blockage within another 2 weeks you can reduce it again by one. though you may need to continue taking 1-2 capsules per day if stopping the lecithin leads to additional plugged ducts. for more info on this subject look here.

so after all this, don't expect the clog to come right out. but if you keep working at it, eventually it will. It can take 2 to 3 days and, sadly, ive heard that it can be as long as a week. BUT if you spike a fever (or experience a low grade fever), experience body chills, and or have flu like symptoms or your the affected breast seems to be getting worse, by all means call your doctor! If nothing helps and you just want some relief (for both body and mind) - PLEASE call your doctor! or at the very least a trusted lactation consultant.

that said, clogged milk ducts are just part of the joys of breastfeeding (feign fake smile).

for more information on clogged ducts and mastitis please visit these informative sites:

kellymom

la leche league