So, before kids I was a voracious reader, especially when I would commute to work on Bart. I could go thru 3 books during my work week and pick up 2 more on the weekend. It was great. Now? I'm lucky if I can finish a magazine from 3 months ago. In fact, I have stacks of unopened magazines from months ago and three that just came in. What? I get deals on subscriptions and some were free, so sue me.

Anyway, sometimes I forget that I have a kindle since we use the poor thing mostly to appease my toddler on long road trips in the car. Which it works perfectly for, but I forget that its mine and hello! I can read books and magazines all night long. You know? Instead of sleeping, like most normal people because that is the only time I am able to do anything of luxury. When no one needs me, or is calling (yelling) for me or is just up in my biz annoying the crap out of me. From work to home, it's sort of the same thing- the demands. But anyway, it is very different with my family of course. I can't get fired if I decide I've had enough. Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah reading, at night, or really early morning- it's the best ever. I know some moms wake up way early to get some time to themselves. I am not one of those moms. I am not a morning person, at all. Yes, I know. The irony (of parenthood) isn't lost on me.

Soo...(I wrote the above on my phone in the car, while we were on our way to a birthday party, the first of two that day - Saturday) where was I? Oh yes, anyway I'll just get to the point..I received a free kindle book to review - I Just Want to Pee Alone - I didn't even have to crack the "book" open to know that this was going to be a good read, the title of the book alone had me because yes, I do - just sometimes would like to be able to pee alone. and with the door closed. and without any interruptions or people asking for me and or looking for me and then inevitably, barging in on me. all this, before I even get to pee (on that note, have you read this? she is hilarious too) So, anyhoo. this book is HILARIOUS. I started reading it in the middle of the night, hence my above long intro..and I seriously almost woke up Raima when I read it and continued to read it until like 2 am. I had to hold back my laughter and ended up snorting, it was not pretty. The book, is a collection of essays by mom bloggers about life and kids and yes, parenting and all it's trials and tribulations but in a funny, sarcastic and often times crass voice - which I love. While yes, I did receive this book for free in order to review it, my opinion still is this - GET IT, READ IT! and commiserate and laugh out loud. I'll help you wipe the tears ;) If you don't want to take my word for it, read the other reviews. I will definitely continue to follow those bloggers.

In other news.. I got to hang out with one of my good friends who graciously let me photograph her. My idea was to really pamper her but I didn't get that chance (we talked instead - so giving her my utmost attention could be considered pampering, right? Maybe  just a little?). We got to hang out though and talk, with no interruptions! which was needed since it had been so long since we last hung out. 

Hi everyone, it's been awhile hasn't it? I've been busy busy busy and haven't had time to update and or post the special stuff I've been up to here, so you all don't think I'm lying or just slacking off.

I started this post on my phone, and this is actually posted on my photography blog...

I had a wonderful day today yesterday, but I am utterly anxious and nervous and and...how do you on call people do it? This is one of those times that I fantasize about my mother being alive and well and living with us. Imagining that, in a pinch she could watch the kids as I take on this new direction in my life as a photographer and actually, a birth photographer. That basically, life was perfect, easy, comfortable and oh so wonderfully laid out and plan-able. I know, I did say fantasize, right?

When I picked up a real camera, not just my phone, or a point and shoot, but a real camera again last year, it really opened my insides wide open. I still struggle with the decision of, right now, what is an expensive hobby. But it is so worth it. The joys I get when I cull and edit those images. Sometimes I can't contain myself and bug Charlie to take a look at some images I'm so proud of. But there is still a little voice inside of me who likes to blow out that creativity and confident flame. I think to myself- you have kids, your family depends on your income to survive, what the hell were you thinking of doing this NOW?! You aren't as young as you look missy and you've got way more responsibilities than this passion can afford. Yes, my insides are not very friendly sometimes. Fear, she is one tough bitch. She will push you, pull you, love you and hate you. She is also what can make you stronger and drive you towards your dreams, well sometimes. Which leads me to something I read recently (Jasmine Star's magazine Exposed) to the tune of: I'd rather fail at something I love, than succeed at something I hate.

Yes, I am scared. I am terrified. My guts are swimming around and crawling to get out. I'm more distracted at my desk job and I really want out. It was never really fulfilling but it definitely paid the bills. That's not true there were times early on in my seven years at my desk job, that I fully enjoyed my work as a project manager. I had moved up from being an admin and at the time was also trying to do some creative side projects. But when the desk job started paying more and better. I lost that creative spark. Anyway, did this desk job ever make a difference? no of course not. But I did like it but as it is now, my heart isn't in it - and I don't think it ever was. Anyway,  photographing people isn't the fulfilling part, it's delivering the goods that is. Those memories and lighting up someone's life with printed (or even digital) images, that is absolutely rewarding.

Anyway, here are some shots from an impromptu maternity shoot, I did this past Saturday:

And yes, she is supposed to be glowing - cause she truly is! 

I am on call for that lovely mama (and 2-3 others - for birth photos!) and I anxiously await her baby girl's birthday, not only because I will hopefully be able to document the day, but because I am also stepping in as the doula! GULP. 

Being with mamas and kids, like I was yesterday, meeting with birth photography session clients is really really where I want to be. It's really what I want to be doing. Being allowed to document such an intimate moment for a family is just humbling, to say the least. Being able to spend my days seeing and taking photographs of people, happy and having fun and most importantly being able to spend more time with my family to enjoy my days having fun and being happy too. I know it will take time and I am willing to put my blood, sweat and tears into it, which I already am. It doesn't mean that I'm not scared of absolutely failing, especially because there is a lot more at stake.

Here is to hoping our dreams into reality..that and winning the lottery ;)

Oh and speaking of motherhood - did any of you read this huffington post article?

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday. As you read this I will be in LA attending my grandfather's memorial services. I have a guest post for you, something that I have been thinking about - trying to be a more legitimate freelancer. How do people do it? So here is one mama's perspective:

The Best of Both Worlds: Juggling a Freelance Career with Being a Stay-at-Home-Mom written by “Evelyn Pearce”

The decision to go back to work or become a stay-at-home-mom is a tough choice for any new mother. In today’s turbulent economy, sometimes returning to work isn’t even a choice – it’s a necessity. A study carried out by Working Mother backs this up showing that the majority of women surveyed wanted one arrangement but felt like they had to settle for another. It also indicates that the majority of working mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids whilst the majority of SAHM feel just as bad about not contributing to the family finances. In short, nobody’s happy.

At times like this many people think that working from home on a freelance basis is the ideal solution; a way to save money on childcare and spend time caring for the family while still being able to earn an, often lucrative, income. I have to admit that I was one of those people. I thought that my job as a freelance copy/content writer would be easy to juggle with motherhood, but that was before I actually gave birth - back when I knew precisely nothing about babies and their demands. Eight months along my bumbling journey into motherhood the bags under my eyes, chaotic home and mounting pile of papers on my desk prove just how wrong I was.

The preconception that freelancing and motherhood is a way of achieving the ‘best of both worlds’ is just that – a preconception. In fact, often you feel like unable to fully commit to either aspect so really it’s more like the worst of both worlds. Being supermom whilst simultaneously running a successful business is hard work, frazzling in fact. But it is do-able. Ultimately finding the right balance is a very personal thing and different things work for different mothers, but here are a few tips that I’ve learnt from my experience as a freelancer and a mother.

Routine is key (but flexible works too)

For the first six weeks of my son’s life I was in that daze that tends to engulf a lot of new moms. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep, perhaps it’s the new and overwhelming sense of responsibility or perhaps it’s the trauma of childbirth – who knows. Either way, I was feeding on demand, sleeping intermittently and definitely not thinking about work.

However when things settled down a bit I found that routine was good for both my baby and my career. Getting him into a bath/bottle/bed routine meant that he began sleeping for longer at night (hallelujah!) and timing his naps and bottles during the day meant that I knew when and roughly how long I’d get to work for. Of course his routine will change as he gets older and I fully predict days on the horizon where nothing will get done due to unforeseen illnesses, extra curricular activities and so on. In these instances its pays to have a flexible mindset – don’t ditch your routine completely but accept that now and then it may get thrown off course and you’ll find yourself working outside of your usual working hours.

The beauty of being a freelancer is that you can pick your hours in conjunction with the demands of your family life and your clients. Now and then this will mean adjusting a routine but in general you should commit to your self-set working hours in the same way that you would commit to an employer in order to get the job done.

Accept that you’ll have to make sacrifices

It’s just not humanly possible to give 100% to every aspect of your life 100% of the time. There will be occasions where you may need to sacrifice one area of your life in order to make the other one work. Maybe you’ll have to say no to a social engagement, live in an untidy home or turn down a potential client. I’ve had to do all three and yes, at times, it did make me feel guilty, dejected and downright grumpy. At times like this you need to assess your priorities, decide what is most important and practical then find an acceptance (even a begrudging acceptance) in making the necessary sacrifices. There’s just no other way and beating yourself up about it will make things worse.

Don’t take on too much

Similarly, if you feel like you are having to make so many sacrifices that your career, family life and general happiness is suffering then it’s time to re-evaluate. A feeling that you’re simply unable to keep all of the balls of your busy life up in the air is a sign that you’re taking on too much and this will be ultimately detrimental to all areas of your life. In these instances don’t be afraid to ask for help, take a break or simply say no to some of the demands that are being placed on you.

Consider childcare

When I first mentioned putting my son into a childcare for one day a week I was met with a lot of confused stares and comments like ‘But why? You’re at home all day’. Sometimes people just don’t understand that caring for a baby and working are mutually exclusively concepts – I guess they never tried to breastfeed while typing. My son loves his time at kindergarten. It gives him some extra stimulation, a change of environment and the opportunity to mix with other kids. It also gives me one full day to commit solely to my work and catch up with household chores.

I’ll let you into a secret – some days I hire a car for the day and take myself off for a long drive into the country or a shopping trip. Some days I do nothing at all. The well deserved break and crucial 'me' time is worth every cent of my son's childcare costs.

Enjoy it

Most freelancers work this way in order for them to pursue a career that they love. In my case it’s writing. For others it could be design, artwork, business or crafts. There will invariably be times when you’re tired, stressed and a little unhappy. But if you find yourself constantly disillusioned with your job then perhaps it’s time to start looking elsewhere. You don’t have to quit work altogether but maybe something new with more structure could be the way forward for you. Work is about so much more than a paycheck and you should never have to sacrifice your love of your art for monetary purposes.

Thank you Evelyn! I'll see you all when I get back, whenever that may be. In the meantime, please stop by these lovely blogs:

• Little Mudpies- Letter to Motherhood - such a great post! 
• This Amazing Day - Looking in the Mirror - an old post but a rather good one. 
• Harvesting Kale - One Year of Parenting: Balance - again, an oldie but a goodie. 
• Meeting Maxwell - #2 two..the saga continues - Deciding on baby #2 - read up and offer your insight and or support :) 
• While it Rains - A birth story - I am a sucker for birth stories! 

and now for something completely different - a little fun (not that the above blogs aren't fun):

• Everyday with Hazel Mae - Easy Chicken Pot Pie recipe - I LOVE me some chicken pot pies! Even better when it's an easy recipe!
• Lulu & Sweet Pea - Things I Don't Love posts - hilarious and pretty spot on, at least for me. 
• The Mustache Mama - Handmade Holiday Gift Guide -Like I mentioned in a previous post, I am going to be making most of our gifts this year, like most years..except this year I'm going to put a lot more effort into it. Ok, I plan on making a lot more effort. Wish me luck on actually accomplishing it!

Well hello Monday, nice of you to come around again. Who am I kidding? I hate my Mondays..I would have had today off though but switched with my co-worker for Friday last week off because he needed today for some important appointment. Or so he said. He's probably in Vegas for all I know. 

Anyway, I'm typing this in the dark, and only using the glow of the TV and the laptop's screen to light up the keyboard and am possibly going blind because of it. Raima has finally fallen asleep on the couch to the right of me without holding me hostage. An update on Raima - She's finally choosing to walk all the time rather than resort to crawling because it was faster. If she falls down, she quickly gets back up and keeps on going. She was really funny today. Her personality is definitely coming through. Also, she clearly says Jax, whenever she hears his voice from a distance. Mostly when he's about to go down for bed or a nap and he's yelling in protest or yelling for one more hug and one more kiss (which we don't deny him of, but man can he come up with some hard to refuse excuses to not go to sleep just yet!) she will point in his direction and say - Jax? Jax? She doesn't even say mama.

So, it looks like grooveshark is still working on their stuff and I'm not able to share the playlist except for a link, so if you want to listen you can do so by going here. You will probably have to sign up though - but it's free. (I just figured out how to re-code to show my playlist to circumvent the widget problem, yipee!)


I'm glad this week is a short week and I can't wait to see my family and spend some time with them. But it looks like this will be our first year EVER having Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant! We have always spent it at a family member's house and also worked hard in the kitchen for hours or even days before to prepare but since my grandfather's health and stay at the hospital (his breathing tube was removed and he is now breathing on his own!) no one has had time to prepare for the huge feast we usually have. I don't exactly know how I feel about that yet, since well, if we are spending Thanksgiving in a restaurant, then that means the restaurant staff is spending Thanksgiving at the restaurant so that we and other's can have their Thanksgiving? I don't really like that part.

Happy Monday everyone, and since this is Motherhood & Music Mondays - feel free to share your snippets of motherhood (advice, humor, support, struggles) and or a music playlist, or new (or new to us) music you think we should check out! Thanks!

Also - remember there's the GFC Collective blog hop over here, every Monday:

We had the pleasure of celebrating my dear friend Rosalyn's birthday as well as her return home from the hospital as a new mama and meeting their new addition, Alileo. At first, Charlie & I were a little nervous. What if we were crowding them and being too pushy by asking to have a visit so soon? Would they want to hang out with us and our kids (way past their bedtimes)? But it was her birthday, I thought. And and...well..both her and her husband, Andres were very welcoming and happy to have some visitors (and to have food other than hospital food). We ordered a lot of yummy vegetarian food (except that I didn't know that her mother, who was in town, was allergic to soy!) brought a bottle of sparkling apple cider and a couple of cakes. One for the mama, and one for the baby. Roz's friend, Maria, also came over and brought them a bag full of groceries (great presents for new parents!) and made a GF red velvet cake (which happens to be my favorite. Red velvet, not so much the GF - but her cake was actually delicious enough that I asked for the recipe!).

We hung out, talked, shared, smelled the baby, held the baby, laughed...it was great. I am so glad it worked out - especially since we got parking right on their block - which if you know SF at all - you know parking is very hard to come by!

Oh sweet babies...I had forgotten how small the cry sounds were of a newborn. I'm sure to me they were small, just in comparison to the loudness both my kids can be at times, but to the new parents eh, not so much.

So many babies being born and or about to be born, that I'm starting to question my 2 kids rule (HA, no not really) and I sort of imagine having another baby (no, really this is just a day dream) but then I think they would outnumber us and sometimes I already feel outnumbered.

It was beautiful to watch Roz and her new family. There were three generations in that house. And we got to be there to witness another remarkable year. You know, Roz was there when Raima was born. I wanted her to be there because of how much of a positive person she is. The always half full kind of person. The one who wears the rosy glasses. She seemed so at ease and so relaxed. I don't know if I was ever like that, but I remember being told how calm I was as a new mother, but I just don't remember that. Perhaps because inside - I was a mess, but on the outside I was trying to keep it together. I don't think I ever wanted to leave the house or even see people, which is probably why I was nervous that we would be imposing...but Roz isn't like that. And I think she would have been honest enough to say it wasn't the right time. I can't wait to share more memories with her new family.

If you are a new parent or a seasoned parent, what was one of the better advice you've received? And what was the worst or strangest? I'm sure you all have something to share. What's your perspective?

I think as parents and especially as a mom, we forget that we also need to take time to care for ourselves. I know I have a difficult time doing this. I found this nice list from here. The ones listed below I want to try this weekend:

1. Take a five-minute break, wherever you are, close the door, close your eyes, breathe deeply and relax. You deserve this.

2. Make a mug of tea, treat yourself to your favorite latte or smoothie. Delight your senses with taste and flavors.

3. Move your body – dance, go for a walk or run, do yoga or some deep stretching, heck even skip around your house. Twirl, hula hoop, do the running (wo)man, jump up and down like a human pogo stick – whatever feels good to your body in this moment.

16. Write a letter to your younger self and celebrate how much you’ve done and how far you’ve come.
18. Put on your favorite cozy pants and top and spend an evening in watching your fave guilty pleasure TV show. 

Oh and go read this from a new follower's blog (thank you!).

These days, in the morning, Jax does not want to get up (I don't blame him, neither do I).  This morning, he asked me to please turn off the lights (at least he said please!). He was sitting up waiting for me to do this, and when I finally did, he grabbed his cover and slammed his body back onto his bed and said, oh thanks! I told him that tomorrow you can sleep as long as you want. Okay, he said. Tomorrow you don't have to get up early, ok? Okay, mom he responded (ha, we shall see). I continued with getting Raima ready as she was climbing and playing on her toddler bed (that she doesn't sleep in yet, that we got for free off of freecycle) and I caught a glimpse of my mom in the painting that sits in the corner of their room. Her birthday is a week away.

So, as I stared at that painting I made of her, I thought of some things.  Sad, happy, bittersweet things. For awhile, I didn't know what to do with that painting. It's a painting I made when I was 14. Her face with a wreath of bright red carnations atop her head, flanked by my brother and myself as children. A happy looking painting, but I think of her during that time and think, was she really happy then? I've put it away several times and brought it back out again. I tried to put it up here and there not really finding a good home for it. It carries too many memories, but I like looking at it from time to time, so now it sits in the corner of my kids room. So that she's there watching her grandkids. It's also there to remind me to tell my kids about her, since I will be the only opportunity for them to know her.

I pointed to her, to the painting, and asked Jax - do you know who that is? Before he can give me an answer, I tell him. It's your grandma Cora. That's my mom. He says, that's my mama too! No, Jax, I say - it's my mama, she's not here today but if she was she would have loved you soooo much. I love her too, Jax says right away. That's my Grandma, he continues. That's your mom! he exclaims. My heart sung with delight watching him tell me this. So, I kiss my kiddos good bye and tell them I'd see them later. And it was off to work for me..

Happy Friday everyone..(I hope Jax remembers that he can sleep in tomorrow!)

Murphy's law happened and so to cheer me up we did lots of silly photo booth!