I started writing out this post yesterday which had been in my head for quite sometime:

I know I've been neglecting the blog lately by not posting any actual updates and instead just post pictures and or videos. cut me some slack, i work full time, am managing a breast feeding/pump schedule and nursing while trying to keep the house in order. Also, its hard to write about updates because when you do, its like tempting the universe to laugh at you and shove a pie at your face. Jax is nearly 4 months old! my golly gosh, its amazing. So far, he is, gulp, dare i say it? - sleeping through the night. from 10PM until 6/7AM. We are still co-sleeping, because i can nurse in bed while im still half asleep and he usually never really wakes up but he still likes to snack in the middle of the night/morning . so yeah, once i hit publish post, he will never sleep again, and or shove a pie in my face. oh didnt i tell you? hes got the hand eye coordination thing down. lets see what else can i tempt the universe with?

so now...last night...IT happened - he didnt sleep thru the night and i didnt even have to hit publish. ahh change...its good right? yeah not if youve been up since 4 am and then have to work a full 8 hours and be stuck in an office away from what you really want to be doing....could it be a growth spurt? i sure hope so.

in other news he is getting to be a funny little man. he has only laughed out loud twice - once in the bath with me, and the other with cw but we both dont know what triggered it, so we cant for the life of us replicate it to hear that sweet sound again (he has been laughing out loud in his sleep since he was a month old). jax has also started to squeal and scream. though not while crying thank god! well, there are times when he does do a major orange alert cry - screaming bloody murder, but thankfully it is rare. i just tempted the universe again, didnt i? he also is now into kind of biting and chewing your face and at things. signs he maybe on the way to teething soon. he sits up with help and can scoot while on his tummy and a few times he has rolled onto his back but isnt quite there yet.

anyway, cw and jax are at yoga today while im stuck at, ahem, work, you know, working (blogging)?

i knew this day would come, the dreaded end of my maternity leave. before i even had a taste of what motherhood would be like, i had my ideas of maternity leave and the first 3 months of taking care of a newborn. my major complaint was, that, when i would return to work, id miss out on all the good stuff. like the baby smiling, "talking", and so forth. and that, harsh as it sounds, during the first three months, what i would be getting in comparison to what charlie would be getting when he became the primary care giver, would be the short end of the stick. and the result of which would have me resent charlie for getting all the fun and "easy" stuff.

well, just in the past 10 days during our trip to LA, jax has grown so much and in so many ways, that i didnt miss out on any of the smiling, "talking" and most of the fun stuff. so maybe it wasnt the short end of the stick after all. sure, i still felt at times like i was the one doing most of the heavy lifting, but then again, I am the one with the boobs. and when i say heavy lifting, i mostly mean the sleep deprivation, the late night feedings or 4 am diaper changes and house arrest (okay, that last bit was stretch. but only by a bit) . but yes, of course its all worth it. so, my complaints aside, i was there when he reached milestones. like, when he first really smiled, or when i could hold a somewhat one sided conversation with him, or the time i realized the noise he was making, while asleep, was him actually laughing, out loud. i was there for all of that and so much more.

you might wonder what has little jax of only 11 weeks done lately? well, when we were in LA, he learned to self soothe, sleep thru the night UNSWADDLED, and even go down for a nap without being held. he was growing up right before my eyes, that the clothes i packed for him didnt end up fitting anymore. i know i may not be there for all his firsts, but ill be there for the second or third and so on.. And thats something i have to accept and more importantly, forgive myself for going back to work, and missing out.

so tomorrow is d day. its a mixed bag. but one things for sure, i know my baby will be in good hands and for that, i am grateful.