per·spec·tive (p r-sp k t v). n. 1. a. A view or vista. b. A mental view or outlook: "It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present" ...

 Lately, what with my reduced hours and little faith in the industry I am currently working in, I am day dreaming more and more of pursing my passions and delving into a more creative field and quite possibly, becoming a serious freelancer (or rather a more legitimate one).

I have always been a creative and artsy fartsy person. I started drawing seriously (as in not doodles and more like portraits kind of stuff) as a kid when I was 7 years old and actively pursued drawing and painting up till my late teens and only switched to Art History in my 20's (among other majors like photography, biology, and religious studies). I worked at an art restoration/conservation company (hmm, maybe I need to contact them to re-design their website?) for more than 4 years while in high school and early college. I also attended summer programs at California College of the Arts (back when they were known as Calif. College of Arts & Crafts  - I guess they didn't like the crafts part so much, even though now a days - crafts are a big thing - and I don't think of them as simple art forms as they are still definitely a skill set). But what do I have to show for all this? Not much because..

Then I found boys and I totally lost myself in the upkeep of having these psuedo loving relationships. I had to, often times pretend I was someone else. I would take on what they liked instead of nurtured what I liked or was good at. If they were avid gamers, then I had to be an avid gamer. If they were really into music and was in a band (unfortunately, I had a bad habit of being attracted to emotionally unavailable musician gamers) then I of course was into music (note: I have always been into music but you know, like pretended to like a band when you really had no clue who they were? And then the next week you have all their albums or CDs) and playing in a band (I actually did know how to play bass when I was a teenager and came up with a convoluted story on why I quit playing. Somehow, it made me more attractive to bad boyfriends in my college days). Instead of nurturing my strengths, I succumbed to  my weaknesses - not knowing my self worth and the value of self love. I always think back on that line in Labyrnth - "you have no power over me"..that moment when she remembers that line and that truth - it is so very true of how I came to remembering my own self worth. It's that instant when all the pieces fall (back) into place again. That a-ha moment, that light switch being turned on..It's a good feeling.

This isn't to say that I don't struggle with self-esteem issues, because I do and as a woman and a mom, it comes with the territory. I'm not saying that's a good thing, but that's reality. But, one's self-worth is different from one's self-esteem. I have always struggled with my self esteem, but about 6 years ago (right before the time I started my first blog), before I met my husband I had that a-ha moment. the self esteem stuff, back then and sometimes even now, I faked it. I have always been a believer of the fake it till you make it mentality. I've always pretended to be confident. I've always pretended to be the cool one, so that I could make an attempt to be he popular girl, to make up for all the years I never was anything to anyone, in school. I was quite the opposite while I was in school, even up till college and really even now. I am really quite shy (No, seriously, I am!) If you will it, so it will be. You just have to believe in the farce long enough and be able to laugh at yourself and have fun and not let it get to your head. Moderation is key, as with anything..anyway..where was I? Ah yes, so passions...following your passions. I regret not following my (true) passions (there is a corny pervy joke in there somewhere) when I had the chance to nurture them, but then again, perhaps if I did, I wouldn't be where I am at today. Which is annoyed and scared and financially insecure, I kid I kid. Sort of. Anyway, I wouldn't have met and be married to a wonderful husband and father, nor be a mother to two kiddos. I wouldn't be living in the Bay area and have the family and friends for support. It's all good. We get to where we need to be, one way or another. I guess, the trick is knowing that you are supposed to be there in the first place...

Whenever I get a chance, I look up bloggers or other successful people I am inspired by and wish I could find out how they got to where they were at, and how I could do it for myself. Luckily there were/are successful bloggers who already had this idea and have a series on just this subject:

• Inspired To Share: Dream Job series
• Moriah Makes: Pursuing Her Passion series

How about you, what are your passions? Have you made your hobby and or passion into a business? If so, please do share!

And to new readers, followers and "like"-ers of the blog - THANK YOU for finding me and stopping by and actually (& hopefully) reading!! :) (have you noticed yet, that I love parentheses?)

And to the loyalists, thanks for putting up with me and continuing to put up with me!

Happy Friday!

P.s. If you are looking to do something creative, photography wise, and are open to a challenge - come check out Photo Friday challenge - "orderly" :

How It Works Check the Photo Friday website each Friday for the week's Challenge - or better yet, sign up for email notices and we'll send you a reminder.

We pick a Challenge theme or subject, and your job is to take pictures interpreting it. When you're done, upload your picture(s) to your site, then enter your picture link on the Photo Friday website.

Friday is the day we post the Challenge, but you can enter your link on Photo Friday whenever you like. It doesn't have to be on Friday!

If you already have the perfect image in your archive that suits the Challenge, go ahead and submit your link to it, or take a new picture - it's your choice.