so tomorrow im 31 weeks. today we had our midwife appointment and it felt like forever since the last time we had our check up. we should have had a check up on the 3rd - but we went to LA instead. i love our midwives, yes plural. we actually have 3, well technically one of them is an apprentice learning how to become a midwife. and from now on our appointments are going to be more frequent which tells me - wow, baby's due date is almost here! we will start to see them every two weeks and then every week. this is to check and see baby's position and also my blood pressure - because a change in those will help determine if any complications could arise and or be prevented.

anyway, all was good. great even. both cw and i were able to feel what was supposedly our baby's head (i could feel hard bits but i really couldnt tell ya if it was a head). The baby is head down already! so it gives us a very very low chance of a breech baby once i am closer to my due date, since well he still has time to move around, but mason said there is little chance he could turn around to be breech now. he definitely kicks a bit more and always on my right side so perhaps he is in a left occiput anterior position, in which he is head down facing my back, with his back on one side of the front of my tummy, as in the photo above. mason said he is very compact and perfect. phew, good to know.

cw was great after venting all my recent frustrations and like i said to amy, i know its difficult for him to be able to transition to the new stuff. he doesnt like to get hung up on the future and likes to be situated in the present - which is what makes him so even keeled and less vulnerable to paranoia and worry like i am. so despite the fact that change is afoot and i am the one worrying about things, cw just kind of takes it in stride and let its roll off of him which in turn has me get all bitchy. he does go out and gets out of the house, more so than i really can. like i said he has commitments outside of our home and stuff and is usually out of the house for a few hours every day - yes everyday, even on saturdays and sundays. at least it isnt to go out to hit the bars to get away from it all (from me) and talk shit about our relationship and his impending new role. and dawn's right he should be able to get out. he isnt a prisoner and soon we wont be able to get out much either, at least not for awhile.. but man, i remember my past relationships before cw and boy did i ever talk shit about those relationships, yet i still found myself in them? hmm..go figure. its cause back then as much as i wanted and thought that my partner at the time was the problem and should change to make the relationship better, it was really me who needed to change to make my own life better. and it did change. i changed, especially once i got rid of the emotionally unavailable bad boy types and my attraction to them.

anyways, i think the best thing i have with cw that far surpasses any of my previous relationships is how we handle our arguments or our worries or feelings of inadequacies. we handle it by doing this thing called talking about it. sometimes its hard for me to initiate the talk, so i vent thru a blog (not so productive i know) or i write it down or i email it to him first- just to get the emotions out before we actual face it head on and talk about it face to face. that way im not so intense and wrapped up in my emotions or crying or yelling and not being able to say what i really want to say. we've actually never yelled at each other. well, once i think cw did raise his voice but we dealt with that. when he came home last night, pretty late but i knew he was going to be. he came home and went up to our room and laid down next to me just to say hi. he held me for a long while and it was nice. i couldnt go back to sleep though so i got up and we both helped each other to clean the living room and kitchen before our midwife appointment today. You can really accomplish a lot when you do it as a team.

anyhoo..off to have a celebration dinner tonight with my boss and his wife. maybe after this dinner i will actually feel as if the exam and its importance is finally behind me cause HELLO, i passed! wtf? yeah, i still come home sometimes and lounge around and then all of a sudden i feel like - shit, aren't i supposed to be doing something? nope its done, remember? over with! let it go damn it. yeah the thing you need to be worrying about is trying to freaking relax and just be pregnant, woman!

also my friends want to throw me a baby shower here which is great but we have so much stuff already and i know how much people are strapped for cash these days so i kind of want to do something else. maybe if we can all manage to go escape for the weekend like a camping trip, where there is a free hot springs and a nice cool lake to swim in too. and if we all chip in on gas and food we'd save some money. id rather do something like that then get another blue onesie with a dog carrying a football on it saying daddy's favorite with a matching bib. our midwife also suggested to have a baby shower at one of those make ahead meal places so that i will have frozen dinners ready for us postpartum which will help tremendously. i never even thought of that but it was such a good idea - but then again, how much is that gonna cost?

okay, i really should get back to work..break time over.