So I tried to join this parents connect thing online and I am surprised I lasted so calmly while repeatedly filling in the same god damn information at least ten times because for some stupid reason, whoever designed the form and code neglected to figure in that if you checked off mom to be and put in a due date, that the requirement of putting your child’s name and birth date on the following question would be fucking retarded. It was perplexing and I was like – why am I even bothering with this? Well cause it was fucking bothering me. So, I tried to circumvent it. There was a remove button on the child thing, so I did that but then forgot to retype my password, so then I did it all over again and yeah that didn’t fucking work..and then anyways, yeah I don’t know why I did it over and over and over..it was just stupid. So I did the next best thing – fucking sent off an email to them telling them they were stupid. okay, breathe….sigh..its the little things, you know?

So, in my first trimester and still now, I was overloaded with advice from books, people and so forth. Yesterday, I think I got my first positive look from a stranger and was greeted with a smile. Of course this came from a mom herself so there you go. But mostly I get kind of weird looks, like they’re dumbfounded at the site of a tattooed pregnant woman. Already I am apparently off to a “bad” start – which is weird seeing how so many people in the bay area are tattooed and so many people in the bay area are well you know, loose. Ok, maybe loose isn’t the right term, I mean liberal. So anyway, back to that advice stuff..on stuff you aren’t supposed to eat or do or whatever. After awhile you just get tired of it, and less and less guilty and just throw caution out the window (i know the idiom is throw caution to the wind but, whatever, sometimes american idioms dont make complete sense to me) - I eat hot dogs, regularly if I could. I eat deli meats in a sandwich smothered with sometimes regular ol’ mayonnaise, but I make sure to warm the deli meat so that it’s “steaming”. I eat chicken Cesar salads. I lift things, move furniture around, at least when I get the urge to (re)decorate. I lift my hands up above my head (apparently, an old wives tale on how to strangle your baby in utero). I eat fish (but yes of course I avoid the ones with known higher levels of mercury – babies need Omega 3’s & DHA which is abundant only in fish (oil)! Though flax seed offers a different type), and yes, occasionally I even eat sushi (just the deep fried stuff). One thing I still haven’t gotten out of my head and surrendered to is eating delightful eggs benedicts, which happens to be my favorite thing in the world for brunch. I just can’t get it out of my head that its “bad” and its been like 26 weeks since my last eggs benedict – probably more..sigh..so I have decided, perhaps this weekend I will just live on the edge and make it at home or something. Oh I can just taste it now..glorious poached eggs, yummy creamy fattening hollandaise atop avocados AND bacon (yes, bacon) on top of a crisp yet moist English muffin – wait, or a buttery biscuit?..oh yeah, that sounds good. besides, im well past my 1st and almost past my 2nd trimester (I have about another 2 weeks!). I will not be a puritan no more.

Damn it, im hungry.