well, 77 days to go..are you serious? wow.

right now i should be studying, but i can't get comfortable enough to concentrate on anything. my exam is on tuesday. and its a test ive already taken. twice, only to fail it. twice. i was 4 points from passing. you need a score of 170/200. its graded on a bell curve and its really fucking annoying. i feel discouraged and already a failure and i would just rather not give my 110%, when in fact i dont have 110% to give right now. sigh. i dont want to disappoint my boss, who is also taking the test on tuesday. and yes, half of me, if not all of me, would like him to fail. thats bad, i know. and i would say i dont want to disappoint myself, but im already disappointed in myself. ever since i was a kid, i was never good at studying. though i did very well in school, i never studied, i crammed. often times i would spend hours the night before an exam or due date of a paper and not get any sleep but "study" or write and i would get an A. the one time i did study several weeks in advance for an exam, i got a C. so there began my horrible study habits. . .

sigh...