Jax with his bday present - lasers from Mathilde

{Currently} Lately, I have been feeling like I'm on a roller coaster (but you should know that I like roller coasters).

One minute, I feel like the decision on quitting my desk job (did I just say that "out loud" over the internets?!) is the most effed up thing I can do to my family. And I let my fear overtake my wild, worst case scenario thinking mind and I begin to hyper ventilate. It's that part of the roller coaster ride that is not so great..

Then the next minute, because of something that may seem small yet is so significant, like a text from a midwife where I documented a birth, thanking me for being there and documenting her client's journey and that she would definitely refer me. That she would like to use my images on her website with photo credit. Then being accepted to an exclusive stock photo agency, and getting more photography inquiries...it goes on. The feeling of these, one after another is like that wonderful feeling of a roller coaster ride. Where you scream at the top of your lungs out of pure exhilaration..It's that push, that sign from the universe (or so I tell myself) that tells me - this is the right thing to do. This is the path you need to follow.

Then I get hit again with the horrible feeling, gut wrenching feeling of when you look at your bank account and know what bills will be coming and thinking - are we going to be able to cover that? It is a sinking feeling. A terrible deflated feeling. I look at my kids and am so glad they don't have to know any of this. And then I think back to my own childhood and think: wow, this is probably what my parents were going through...and then I understand them more, and feel closer to them more than I ever did. And I also feel totally terrible knowing how much of a brat I was..sorry parents!

Anyway...there are going to be a lot of changes in the coming weeks and months, so I hope those of you who are still around, will stick around to follow along on this journey of mine.

Until next time...here is a throwback from the past:

Jax, only a few days old!

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