Man, we've come a long way and as much as I complain, I know we are very fortunate to have what we have (and don't have). A comment from yesterday's Currently post brought up some questions on how it is we live the way we live and it presented a very important thought about how we, as a society, tend to perceive things and judge - be it of events, situations, and people. Despite the saying - "don't judge a book by its cover" - most often, we do just that.

We are a family of modest means. Our combined income is sometimes half that of one person's income here in the Bay Area (think Silicon Valley software engineers). Our house is full of used, found and free items. And actually this house found us. We weren't actively looking for places when we were approached about the house, but because we had just found out we were pregnant with baby #2, we knew it was a matter of time to move on from our other (and much loved) more expensive place in Oakland and we are renters. Our downstairs neighbor is the property manager, who happens to be a good friend of my husband, Charlie, and a wonderful uncle to our kids. He is the reason why we have the house and our lovely backyard. He also paid for all our utilities for 6 months as a gift to Raima during my maternity leave. Sometimes, when we fall short, we have our families to ask on for help, and we are very thankful for that. I know, we are very fortunate.

We live in what people would call a neighborhood in transition. Whenever we say we live in West Oakland, people think we're crazy (I'm quite used to this). First, people think of what they hear and see in the news. Yes, Oakland has a high crime rate, and yes even more so in West Oakland. But crime can be found everywhere, and luckily we haven't found it on our street. We know most our neighbors by name. We love our house, and we're glad to call it home.

We try to buy local and organic whenever we can. We shop at Monterey Market in Berkeley, each week (sometimes every other week) and usually spend at most $20. We used to shop at farmer's markets but it got to be too expensive. I love Monterey Market. We usually shop at the discount section, where some of the produce will need to be used that day or that week, which is fine by us. I usually don't do any meal planning until I've seen our loot. And sometimes, what a loot! A bag of no pesticide, CA grown avocados = .98 cents. A bag of organic heirloom tomatoes = $1.98. A bag of organic eggplants, cauliflower, fresh organic herbs, a medley of gourmet mushrooms - all at a discount. Plus regular priced items and a splurge on fresh local coffee beans, if we are able to. We usually make stir frys, quiches, soups and pizzas with our produce.

For pantry and household items (like soaps, shampoos, toothpaste etc), we shop at our local Grocery Outlet. We only found out about it because we used to live a block away and it was the closest grocery store. I hadn't known about it before then. But man, I love that place! It's like a Ross Dress for Less store except for groceries. They have the basic staples, eggs (sometimes they have free range organic brown eggs! for a fraction of the cost at say Whole Foods.) bread (a great selection of local solar powered organic at half the cost of other markets), milk, cheese and a slew of other stuff which can be hit or miss. We usually spend about $75-$150/month (depends on what we already have in our pantry) there and pick up a lot of great stuff, and mostly organic!

I've always been a bargain hunter and have never paid full price for anything. Growing up, we didn't have much until my brother was about 10 years old. When we first came to the States, we lived with 3 other families in a one bedroom apartment until our family moved out and into a two bedroom apartment where my dad was the manager and handyman of the building. I thought we were living the life back then because I finally had my own room, a bed and my own TV. My parents held two jobs each at that time and slowly moved up the social/financial ladder. My dad was an engineer and my mom was a dietitian back in their home country (oh, I guess it's my country too, but I've been here since I was 4.5 years old - and really all I know is America).

I know what it looks like to struggle. My mom would bring home "expired" food home from her work so that we would have something to eat. I hardly saw my parents because they worked so much to make ends meet and provide for us bratty kids (I remember asking specifically for a cabbage patch doll to only get a generic version and I wasn't too happy about it. but I changed my tune eventually and even finally got a real one, that I quickly drew all over. Sorry dad.). But all in all, I wouldn't call it struggling. We were surviving and we were fine. I didn't know any better anyway. We shopped at thrift stores, warehouse sales, swapmeets and garage sales. Today, bargain shopping is totally in, but when I was a kid - I used to get made fun of for shopping at thrift stores and having shoes from payless.

Anyway, this is becoming a (too) long of a post. My point is, try and reserve judgement. Despite what or how people present themselves, you might not have the whole picture/story. Sometimes in the blogging world, we see these lovely families and people and paint a picture in our heads of how their lives truly are but remember we are only getting a glimpse into their world and we should be kind and  thankful for that little insight. I hope to raise my kids with the attitude that it isn't about all of the stuff in our life, but about the stuff we do. Life is about the people, the journey, the love, the memories we have and build together and if you see that my family is successful because of this - then, I'm doing something right..


What about you? What's your perspective on the stuff we can accumulate and the judgement we can at times tend to make on people and situations? Has there been a time when you perceived something one way to only change your mind later on?

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you all enjoy your weekend and thank you for stopping by and following our journey. If you ever have any questions, please do drop me a line, here in the comments or send me an email.

It's hard to take pictures when he moves around so darn much (and its from my phone)! we got this trike thing (not part of the recall, i think. um i hope) awhile back but he just started to really be into it. more like be a menace on it! he totally climbed and stood on it all by himself and even tried to rock it that way! we of course were good parents and told him not to do that while laughing and taking pictures (further encouraging him im sure).

Charlie's been busy trying to get out there and get a teaching job and we've been fortunate enough to have had amazing friends watch Jax for a few hours while Charlie was out and about. But it seems like we will have to seriously find something more permanent (hopefully..its bittersweet) soon - a daycare situation or a nanny share or something. what we really need is some sort of drop-in care really, since most likely Charlie will be able to get substitute teaching jobs and those are usually at a moments notice. sigh...no more daddy day care?!

yesterday after work, i decided to go home and pick up jax and go to ikea. ever since our playdate with Eve last weekend, where he had climbed in and just sat in Eve's little arm chair, i have been itching to get one. well when i researched the cost of one similar - it was a little pricier than I thought it should be so i checked ikea - and they had one for 30 bucks! SOLD! We had dinner there too. and that was somewhat of a challenge since i was by myself. i had forgotten how it was to be with jax by myself, in public, where people can judge my parenting abilities.

 so this is how it went down, mostly in my head of course - i had jax in a mei tai carrier and my trusty medela pump bag on one shoulder carrying a bunch of unnecessary items that i probably wont use but you know just in case. anyway, i go up to the counter, grab a tray..ok, i can do this, i think to myself. i order a salmon platter for jax and a meatball platter for myself, put it all on the tray..ok, i got this, it takes a little bit of balancing and swatting jax's hands off of the tray luckily he is facing me and not the tray (doesnt mean he is more cooperative). i grab a glass, pay the lady who wants to chit chat while i just need to find the closest table away from people who will be annoyed by food being thrown at them or the floor, which i could try and control but its either that or a screaming child. take your pick. so i find a table near another group with a kid who looks to be close to jax's age but a tad older. i grab a high chair and strap jax in. phew, that wasnt so bad. oh wait. i forgot utensils. crap. now, do i leave him strapped in and walk away for a second? surely, this mom next to me would understand right? eh..ok, i unstrap jax and pick him up and take him with me to get the utensils. crap, my drink. go back up and get a drink. ok, im good to go. and finally sit down to eat..all goes well and then he drops his fork. then my fork. then my spoon. and then i forgot i dont have any napkins. is it okay to use the only cloth diaper i brought as a napkin? why didnt i bring any wipes? what? there has to be one in here somewhere? oh well. we finish our food and jax begins to say hi to this couple behind us, who i thought was totally annoyed that i sat near them (well maybe the guy was but not the girl).

anyway, i let jax loose amongst the kids furniture and he loved it. he loves the free open space and loves being chased. we bought the chair in the photos and some other little items. so far, he is liking the chair. it kinda matches our glider right now, but i'd like to change the fabric some day, when im not lazy (HA!).

BTW, if you want to know when a good time to avoid mass amounts of people at Ikea is - its right after work - like at 5. it's pretty deserted and it feels like they are about to close but you have like 3 hours (to what almost feels like) all to yourself.

Happy Friday!

throughout the day i get these lovely picture text messages from charlie. sometimes my heart melts and sometimes i laugh out loud (in my office. to myself. and get weird looks from my coworkers)  - i mean look at jax's face in the above picture. making a mom fool of myself at work is so worth it.

Maybe not funny, how about strange or awkward?

#1 - at longs - as the lady before me is being rung up. the cashier calls out to her coworker who is passing by. he goes - what? she replies, you know what and then giggles, but you know with like her tongue pushing her teeth kind of giggle? and then he stays and situates himself behind her. another coworker passes by and walks away only to come back and also hang back behind her. its now my turn to be rung up. cashier: I like your tattoos. and says to herself, i am obsessed with tattoos and then giggles again. i love this - motions her hands across her chest. me: oh thank you. cashier: yeah, i was thinking of getting some there but i just never knew. me: oh. anyway, she asks me more questions all the while the two other guys are just standing there. staring back and forth at her then at me. as i walk away i try and emphasize my waddle and poke out my belly.

#2 - on the bus - i get a seat next to someone and the bus is not full and there are plenty of seats for almost everyone. but out of the corner of my eye, the guy who is sitting parallel to me on the other side is looking me over. its probably my tattoos again. after awhile he gets off and touches my shoulder and says kind of mumbling - do you want my seat? how nice, but how weird. i have a seat already. i decline politely. im thinking hes getting up to get off the bus. nope. now it comes to my stop and i have to stand there next to him. and i can feel him eyeing me, but i dont think its in a perverted way? i dont know. anyway, as i walk up to stand and get off the bus, i try and suck my belly in - which is no easy feat now - to save him from the embarrassment of hitting on a pregnant woman.

#3 - since it was a lovely day out yesterday, we went to eat at jupiters. we get a seat and finally decide on a large pizza, a large beet salad and also the hummus two ways appetizer. the server pauses and is like - just so you know, that is A LOT of food. I just wanted to say cause i didnt want you guys later to be like - why didnt she warn us? she obviously doesnt know who she is dealing with and cant see the obvious signs. have you seen charlie eat?

so, again i can look pregnant or look as if i spent a little too much time at the buffet line recently. it's weird, i do not gorge myself or pig out cause im eating for two now- which for some reason people think i do cause im pregnant. but i just get hungry more often and so eat more meals throughout the day.

oh and no, i have not felt the baby move nor do i know what sex it is yet (we'll find out on the 28th). but sometimes at night, i try and lay very very still. just to see if i can will myself to feel it. i hear and feel my stomach grumble or make some noise but is that the baby or is it just me? is it gas? wait, could that be it? yeah, no. i have no clue. but when i finally do, you'll be the first to know.

i almost blacked out this morning, on the bus. the bus was packed as usual, no windows open. all of a sudden, i couldnt see straight and i started to feel as if everything was closing in. i started to feel peaked and i knew i was probably turning green. luckily, the next stop was the high school so half of the bus got off and i could finally sit down. i still felt a bit suffocated and too weak to try and get up and open a window. this is why i miss muni - muni has actual operable windows. ac transit has a 5 inch wide 24 inch long "window" at the very top of the larger windows that only pop out a bit. thats it, and they are never open. anyway, i still feel a bit off. i actually haven't been feeling all that well and this weekend especially sunday, all i did was lay in bed and catch up on sleep. but maybe i was about to pass out because i havent been eating properly since i had been sleeping instead?

i haven't cut my hair. yet. half of me doesnt want to spend the money. i usually cut my own hair or have my good friend cut it. but the last time i spent money on a haircut/style was awhile ago in portland (so cheap! 45 including tip!). there is this new salon down the street from my work, that has massage shampoo chairs and all the yelpers love it. they also have a discount on tuesdays, so maybe, ill just buck up and do it. i did, however go shopping on saturday but by the end of it i was feeling sick and couldnt wait to get home. i spent $126 but on 5 shirts, 2 sweaters, 3 pairs of lounging pants, a skirt and 3 pairs of underwear. so i think i deserve to lavishly get a salon cut, no?

So, for the short hair cut. i love short hair. i have always had short hair for most of my life except these past 5 years. i actually did more with my hair when it was short and now that its long i absolutely do nothing with it. i always had a bob, either exaggerated and funky, to your expected vidal sassoon type (you know from that commercial long ago?). but then it always felt so typical, so asian. for awhile i would always choose something funky and fun but i guess im not in my 20's anymore so maybe something normal is called for? but i dont like normal. i dont know. i also can never make up my mind on anything. the last haircut i had in portland, i came up with on the spot. i wanted some layers, some severe in which if i put my hair up it did look like a bob, but if left down looked like a funky layered long cut. oh i dont know. anyone care to send me some pictures?

as for the pregnancy, i am now at the last leg of the 1st trimester, like the very last leg. im not really sure if i am still in my first trimester now that i think of it. the books i have of the week by week have different statements on the size of the baby. some say its at 1-2 inches while another says its at 3 inches this week. some say its the size of a lime while others say its the size of a plum. whatever the case maybe, its just bigger and badder than before. since the first 12 weeks are the most crucial and the most detrimental to the baby's life and development because that is when it is the most susceptible to outside forces such as eating raw eggs (salmonella) or one too many cold cuts (listeria). normally us adults dont even flinch over raw eggs, cold cuts or even mayonnaise because our immune systems can handle the small amount of it if any was to be there. but the little lima bean could not. it may seem a bit crazy to not eat soft boiled eggs (which i happen to love) or skip the eggs benedict for awhile, but wouldnt you if there was just a slight chance? even if doctors dont really know just how much or how little, id rather just have peace of mind and skip it for the crucial weeks. anyway, now that im in my 2nd trimester, things should be much better. i still need to get my mood up somehow cause i dont know, i still feel slightly off. maybe its the weather that keeps me gloomy and unmotivated.

my hair is extra greasy these days. ill wash my hair and the very next day it feels as though it had been a week since i last showered. my boobs have grown a full cup size now and last night i swear it was starting to expand again. my nipples are a bit glossier and though i thought i got away from the horrid stuff of pregnancy like the morning sickness, constipation has reared its ugly head. maybe since my 1st trimester was uneventful, my 2nd trimester won't be a happy breeze like its supposed to be. i already have pimples. actually, i have a big old zit waiting to bust out of my chin. my lips are extra dry and always chapped. oh and now you can really see that little dark line that runs vertically up and down my belly as to point to the direction and or horrific hole the baby will be coming out of in the near future. i have heard of this and have seen it on many a large bellies but i dont even have a belly yet! or even a mere baby bump! but its there. its soooooo strange. i not only have it from my belly button on down but i also have it from the bottom of my breast bone to my belly button and it is actually kind of crooked and doesnt quite align with the line from the belly button on down. apparently, according to old wives tales - Some people believe that the linea negra foretells the gender of their baby, thanks to centuries of old wives' tales, a linea negra that runs up, past the belly button, to the lower part of the sternum means that you will have a boy, and a linea negra that stops at the belly button means you're having a girl. oh-oh, some people will be disappointed, except cw of course. that is, if it even is or becomes the truth. i won't know for another 4 weeks or so.

work has been really stressful because the past few days it has only been me and another person and sometimes the big boss. i have paperwork on top of paperwork and deadlines i have already missed. its hard to keep track of so many things and by now ive probably forgot to order something for a job. but im trying to stay on top of it. and also remember to eat and drink plenty of water. speaking of, i should really get to ordering my lunch now.

i dont feel so good. im all achy and crampy like im about to get my period. i have a headache too, but whats new? i dont want to be at work right now.

i'm scared.

**update - feeling a bit better. cramps have subsided but i have terrible lower back pain. oy vey.

1. this blog wont allow my comments on charlie's post. i wanted to comment on the fact that its okay to slack off on the belly pictures not because i will hate you for it later but because its like a weekly thing. and also on the juice, but now after the third attempt to write out a clever comment after being denied, its no longer fun or pertinent.
2. i am sooooooo sleepy. ok may be it isnt a stupid reason but its a stupid thing to be while at work. i also have gone to the bathroom at least 6 times in the last 2 hours. usually i go like 2 times if at all throughout the entire day! maybe the reason i am sleepy is i have completely cut out caffeine. oh yeah, that and im pregnant and a shit load of stuff is going on to my body that i cant even completely comprehend.
3. there are many conflicting things on what is good for you or bad for you during pregnancy.

Oh and so like ive said my first drs appt. is on tuesday the 20th (charlie, remember this, cause youre coming with me), i hope to at least be able to see the baby's heart flutter. it will be difficult to hear it unless i was super thin or they use some special machine called a doppler. i also have an appointment to meet one of the two midwives we are interviewing that day. the other midwife interview is on the 23rd. My dad is no longer coming to visit as he got called on another assignment back in LA so, thats kind of good.

anyway, this is a stupid post. im just trying to stay awake here at work. maybe i'll go for a walk.

see you all in the next couple of days!!