So, yesterday marked the first day of being with my kiddos part time instead of them being in daycare full time and me working full time too. Monday was a bit of a struggle, today was a little better and i am hoping that tomorrow is even better.

At our house, we do something called - good day bad day during dinner. It's where we ask each other, even the kiddos, what was the good part of our day and what was our bad part of our day. We ask the kids what we should start off with first and usually their response is - bad day bad day!!

When we do this, even when I have had a bad moment in my day - I have to pause and really reflect and consider - was it really that bad? And usually, it isn't, so I end up being all meh, I didn't really have a bad day but I guess..insert the supposed bad day incident but in the whole grand scheme of things it's sort of lame. I guess, I should be real thankful...and I am. Because even if the guy in front of me cut me off today, or the person in the grocery line who pretended not to see me with my 3 items and 2 kids while they unload a cart full of crap - I am going to assume that they are just having a bad day, perhaps much worse than what I think my own worst day is and let it go because in the whole grand scheme of things, there was so much good in the day that the bad, was merely a blip on my radar.

and with more photos! i've been meaning to get back to blogging more (again) and actually have charlie blog more too :) after all this started out as our journey into parenthood. with that said..here are some images that depict classic dad behavior.

i saved you from seeing the in between shots of this series. you're welcome - but seriously, just look at the joy on her face!

also here are some other photos, of an attempt to re-create a sort of engagement photo - since charlie and i never really had a long engagement or took any sort of engagement photos. anyway so we tried it out trying to take photos of each other and then on the tripod. it was really hard to get good enough photos this way - when no one is directing you and paying attention to all the little details that actually do matter. like that sliver of light in her face. standing a little bit taller, face this way just a smidge and most importantly - relax your face, your mouth, think about love, let's wait for this kid to pass by, ok hold her again...yeah just like that. (in my photo sessions, i usually talk and direct a lot)..so suffice to say, we'll need a do over. that day it was also wayyy windy and a SUPER bright/hot sunny day -still, it was still a lot of fun and a great way to have spent some of our anniversary date together sans kids.


and here was one image of us I did *like:

I brought out my camera again during bath time. Probably because, it's one of the only times I get to/need to slow down and take it all in and pay attention-for obvious reasons. Surprisingly, this time around, Jax was very willing to have his photograph taken. Usually now, he's just about had it with me & my camera.

Raima has been doing great at Jax's daycare and we've just received word that she can start full time sooner than we all thought! Since she's only 19 months and not quite 2 yet, the part time care was sort of a trial run to see how she would do amongst the older kids. Thankfully, she's been doing great!

In other news, operation get the kids sharing a room is still..quite an operation. But we're chugging along.

Bills bills bills. Again, still chugging along and surviving. Our grocery bill is a little higher now since Charlie's crossed over to the dark side and has started eating poultry. But it sure makes dinner time much easier on me. I may have to look at getting a crock pot to do one pot recipes.

Lets see, what else: in my photography biz news, things are coming along. I have many 20 hour nights where I work non stop and what very little spare time I have, try and juggle it with my family and my business. But that's ok. I don't mind putting in the work (and thankful that i have the support & help from Charlie) because I'm learning a lot and getting better each day. I have some personal projects in the works and plan on going to galleries in hopes of possibly getting exhibited. So, we'll see. My day job- same ol same ol...but I shouldn't complain. It provides me with flexibility, insurance for my family and even business experience. I'm thankful, cause I know it could be a lot worse and I could have a lot more excuses.

Anyway, I'll shut up now..here are some photos:

I had to throw in a color image - but I think that image is still startling in some way that I can't quite put my finger on? Could be just the green tint of our bathroom, though. Probably could use better color correction, but I kinda like it as it is. What do you think?

Hopefully you all are having a wonderful weekend, and some of us can sleep a little better at night. I know we've all been reading and or listening to the news lately on very important and scary things, like gun control and background checks and of course - Boston..So hold on to your families, be grateful for what you have now and take some time to slow down and take it all in..until next time folks...my love to you all!

We are celebrating 5 years together, and 4 of those years lawfully wed. We purposefully got married on the same date as our first date. Makes things easier that way.

We have some plans to celebrate on Sunday and I can't wait! Charlie has his first softball game tonight, so we'll get the fam together and cheer him on. Charlie's mom has been here since Tuesday night actually and has been helping us with watching the kiddos especially Raima because she's only at Jax's daycare for 3 days out of the week.

Lately, we all haven't been getting much sleep, since we are still in the process of transitioning Raima into Jax's room and onto her own bed. So far going down to sleep gets easier but she still gets up and makes her way into our room. It's really hard for me. I still just want to cuddle and hold her and just, you know keep her as my little baby. Plus, I feel as though I get more sleep that way anyway at least compared to now. Ok, truthfully, half of me not sleeping well is partly due to me staying up late doing some editing.

Anyway, it's all good. We're alive, we're surviving, having fun and if you really look at all the love we have, there's not much to complain about :)

Happy Anniversary my Love! And cheers to many many more! 

I am in tears right now. Good, happy tears. Tears because I know that I am loved and supported. Thank you, Charlie.

I wrote an email to Charlie this morning because, like I've stated here before, I'm tired of my unfulfilling desk job and tried to think of ways I could make ends meet while still pursing my passions and hopefully in a few years, making my passions be steady enough to pay the bills. Here is his response:

You're on the right track.  Looking to branch out, keeping your eyes on other opportunities, in and out of your current field, and pursuing your passions.  I think I heard you talking about marketing yourself as a wedding photographer to college students?  This sounds like a great way to develop a clientele.  I could go to a couple of colleges and universities with Jax tomorrow when we're on our excursion and post some flyers or business cards.  I'll do whatever I can to support you.  And I can certainly look at moving on if Lighthouse doesn't offer me something that's competitive, once I'm credentialed (in Fall 2015 would be fully credentialed, I could conceivably move on after the preliminary credential was finished in Fall of 2014 but I wouldn't be CLEARing my credential through Reach unless I was at another charter they were affiliated with, meaning I would pay much more in tuition).  As far as being 100% Mom and Wife, you're doing a great job.  Your kids have the best Mom they could ever have.  They're healthy and loving kids because they have a Mom who cares for them and loves them.  Your husband is crazy in love with you.  He's also a little crazy, so when it seems like you're not the best Wife ever, it's because he's a bit obsessive and uptight.  He can't always remember that things are exactly as they ought to be, right in the moment, but that's not how they'll always be.  He can't always summon the faith to move through the challenges he faces with calm.  But you help him so much in those areas by being exactly who you are, speaking up for yourself and taking risks.  Mom and Wife are two jobs you are doing perfectly.

I love you,
Charlie

I teared up as I started to read his words. Charlie also let me sleep last night as soon as I got home from my desk job and took over the parenting duties for a second night by himself because on Tuesday night & Wednesday morning - I was with Jenny helping her with her successful VBAC (my first experience as a birth photography session and being a doula). He also packed me a lunch today. So, thank you again Charlie - for being a wonderful husband and a super duper father to our kids. I love you too.

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, I turned 35 today- the 15th. THIRTY FIVE! and so far its been great...last year, I didn't really have a great birthday - it sort of unfolded as if it were straight from - Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I left my phone, lost my wallet (but found it), got separated from my husband and one of my kids, and then when we did find each other and thought, phew ok..let's get home and maybe go out to eat dinner. We were met with a very very flat tire. Womp womp. We waited for an hour for a tow guy (we had a spare but we didn't have a jack!), but all in all, it was fine, afer the ordeal.....it puts things in perspective. it could have been worse, I know.

Anyway, I digress...so on Sunday this is how things unfolded: I did not want to get up. It felt as if it was sooo early still but it was already 9 am (my hubby let me sleep in, YAY!). He had gone to pick up some produce earlier but we were still out of milk so he said he would need to go out again and would bring Jax with him while Raima would stay with me. An hour goes by and I'm starting to get hangry...another 15 minutes go by and now I'm starting to get annoyed. Raima isn't willing to stay in her pack n play or play by herself while I make myself something or start getting breakfast ready for all of us. I text my friend who was going to take me out for a birthday brunch and a mani-pedi later in the day, how pissed off I am that Charlie isn't back yet - like, doesn't he know its my freakin bday weekend!? ugh..typical, I thought. She responded with a simple :D..I told her I couldn't wait for our girl time..

By the time Charlie got back, I needed to get ready to go. I made breakfast for them and coffee for me. In hindsight, I was acting like a temperamental toddler. Stomping about, talking under my breath, slamming refrigerator doors, until I realized, doing so would probably ruin our new fridge and flashes of our old fridge came to mind, so I quickly stopped that. I was pissing and moaning at all these groceries he just picked up and was annoyed, since it didn't seem necessary to have bought all these things. We only needed milk and bread. That was all that I was anticipating he was going to buy. So it should have been a quick trip to the groceries. AND he forgot the bread! I asked him if he got bread and he said no, which then Jax came out and said - yeah, daddy, we got bread. He tells Jax, no we didn't..they go back and forth on this issue but I didn't see any bread so I'm still my pissy pissy self. Oh expectations! Grrr...

Anyway, I get ready, actually put make up on (red lips!), jewelry (this lovely necklace) and do my hair (had to dust off the ol hair dryer of mine)! My friend picks me up and she's lookin like a hot mama too! All is good..I hug my kids, kiss and apologize to my husband...and off we go!

I was having a lovely time with the ladies..I started to feel bad that I didn't include some other girlfriends of mine but hey, this wasn't my planning so.... Got our nails did and headed to a place I had wanted to try for awhile to grab some lunch. Good food, great company and strong drinks! We had to walk around a little bit before we could drive back...(or wait, was that part of the stalling?)
           

We got back to my house around 3 since my friend said she needed to get back to her family and I all of a sudden realized I hadn't texted to see if the kiddos were still napping. Charlie was outside and met us, grabbed my hand and walked us thru the house, he was speaking in a whisper so I thought uh-oh, maybe the kids were still sleeping, I didn't see them while we walked thru the house though...and as I reached the top of our stairs that lead to our backyard...SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in tears in like 3 seconds. My backyard was filled with friends I hadn't seen in a long while. Some friends who are expecting and made it out to the east bay instead of staying in on a their lazy Sunday. Suddenly all that time at the grocery store made sense..and I felt like a complete asshole.
           

It was one of the best birthdays EVER. Thank you Charlie, I love you (and I'm sorry I was a jackass). Thank you to all my friends who made it out and kept me in the dark (you bastards!). Thank you to Mathilde & Mihaela for treating me to a mani-pedi, some food & strong drinks (and kept quiet when I said I was pissed off with Charlie this morning). 35, you're not so bad after all.


Music Mondays will be back next week :)

We celebrated our first wedding anniversary last night. cw lined up a babysitter - our lovely neighbors. who i just found out will be putting an offer on a house tomorrow - which makes us very sad. not because we are losing our potential occasional babysitter but because they are wonderful charming people to have right next door. we have another couple in our 4-plex who are also putting in their offer for a house. sigh..these couples are newlyweds so i guess it comes with the territory. you get married then you buy a house, then you have a kid..oh wait.  anyways..we decided to just stay in and enjoy dinner at home without the rush of having to tend to a 7 month old. except that we had to tend to our starving stomachs which were used to the normal rush  rush  rush (rush to get home and nurse or pump, rush to cook dinner and rush to eat) we typically experience once i get home from work. we enjoyed a beet & quinoa salad, seared scallops and steamed mussels in a white wine garlic sauce.

the above pictures are from the very day, two years ago - april 12th - of when we first met and went out on an undate. did i know two years ago that i would be with him today and for the rest of my life? no, not quite. but i did know that if i had wanted to spend that much time with someone i just met (we spent 10 hours together that day and i really didnt want the undate to end) he was at least a contender. but it wasnt long after that first - not as awkward as you would have thought - undate, that i knew he was more than just the contender..he was definitely the one.

around 9 pm - we start our bedtime routine which consists of a warm bath, a baby massage and reading from a book. we top it off with a little boob juice nightcap. he's usually off to dreamland by 10:30.

last night before starting the bath, we had a little playtime. i finally figured out how to get him to laugh out loud! then, i realized he was trying to illicit my laughter and not the other way around, at least thats what it seemed like to me. best times for sure. oh, and of course i tried to record it on video and i sat there like an idiot holding the camera thinking it was recording, when in fact the memory was full. epic fail.

until next time...

Body:

had a great time with you today.
hope i get to see you again soon.
have a lovely Sunday.
CharlesCharlieChuckChazChavoCharlosCheswickChuzzoChalupaChes
pirrritoChisolmCarlitosCheezyChuckles

and this -

Date:
Apr 13, 2008 5:16 PM

Body:

did i make you nervous?
i wanted to kiss you, but i was a little nervous too.
Tuesday night?
dinner and music in the Mission.
burritos + brass mafia.

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i love that i can look back at our emails to each other and reminisce. ive never been a hopeless romantic, but charlie sure does that to me (sometimes, if i give in!). And since its almost our one year anniversary i decided to look back over the many emails from before ever meeting each other to the very day we did (April 12th) and it still gives me butterflies.

its hard to believe that a craigslist ad led to all of this. to him and now a family together...

(barf, i know. whatever.)