2010 is eek, TOMORROW and as I look back and reflect on the roller coaster ride that was my 2009, i cant help but feel that it was still an amazing yet exhausting year. Life is full of ups and downs. I experienced the very essence of each within months of each other.

I hope this new year will be loaded with new and great experiences of joy, love, laughter and all the nuggets in between.

Lets see, this past year:

- i got pregnant

- got married

- lost my mom

- became a mom

- had friends move to another state

- and became the sole breadwinner of my family

because this is still a new transition, the effects of living off of a single income hasnt been felt yet. but by this time next year, i am sure we will know the somewhat rewarding yet ugly truth of it.

and what exactly are we going to do tonight? two weeks ago, i had high hopes of actually going out and celebrating. and then the reality of it started to sink in. which only had me feel even more tired. the planning part was exhausting. cw's mom was gonna be up visiting and taking care of jax. looking around for events and then realizing that i would probably never make it passed 10 o' clock (11, if im lucky, and 9 if wine is involved!) helped me decide on NOT spending more than 25 bucks a person. and then thinking about how tired i would be even if i did go out and listened to music, helped me decide on just watching a movie. so it was settled, we were gonna watch a movie. but then this morning, as the 8 hour total sleep i got in the past two days sunk in, i thought - hey, how about SLEEP? we can do that for 3 hours straight, right? and still have cw's mom watch jax. still, its more stressful than stress reducing. i still have to prepare for being away, like trying topump an extra bottle - just in case. but then im afraid of jax being overfed just so his fussiness could be controlled. and then fearing my boobs will cry for mercy at the end of the movie. and then and then..oh just shut it and enjoy yourself cherlyn.

Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! I hope this new year will bring in more...SLEEP, oh and you know all the other good stuff.

* yes, i know the one photo doesnt necessarily reflect 2009 but hey, i just needed to show myself as a baby since the end of 2009 is when i started to feel like the year i became an adult.

**Oh, and ps. its a blue moon tonight! Blue moon, now im no longer alone...

I started writing out this post yesterday which had been in my head for quite sometime:

I know I've been neglecting the blog lately by not posting any actual updates and instead just post pictures and or videos. cut me some slack, i work full time, am managing a breast feeding/pump schedule and nursing while trying to keep the house in order. Also, its hard to write about updates because when you do, its like tempting the universe to laugh at you and shove a pie at your face. Jax is nearly 4 months old! my golly gosh, its amazing. So far, he is, gulp, dare i say it? - sleeping through the night. from 10PM until 6/7AM. We are still co-sleeping, because i can nurse in bed while im still half asleep and he usually never really wakes up but he still likes to snack in the middle of the night/morning . so yeah, once i hit publish post, he will never sleep again, and or shove a pie in my face. oh didnt i tell you? hes got the hand eye coordination thing down. lets see what else can i tempt the universe with?

so now...last night...IT happened - he didnt sleep thru the night and i didnt even have to hit publish. ahh change...its good right? yeah not if youve been up since 4 am and then have to work a full 8 hours and be stuck in an office away from what you really want to be doing....could it be a growth spurt? i sure hope so.

in other news he is getting to be a funny little man. he has only laughed out loud twice - once in the bath with me, and the other with cw but we both dont know what triggered it, so we cant for the life of us replicate it to hear that sweet sound again (he has been laughing out loud in his sleep since he was a month old). jax has also started to squeal and scream. though not while crying thank god! well, there are times when he does do a major orange alert cry - screaming bloody murder, but thankfully it is rare. i just tempted the universe again, didnt i? he also is now into kind of biting and chewing your face and at things. signs he maybe on the way to teething soon. he sits up with help and can scoot while on his tummy and a few times he has rolled onto his back but isnt quite there yet.

anyway, cw and jax are at yoga today while im stuck at, ahem, work, you know, working (blogging)?