We've been scrambling for daycare as of late because Charlie got a JOB! He got the phone call about the offer on my bday before we took off to Monterey. Right now its a part time gig but at a school that we both believe in. It reminds me of the school I went to when I was a kid - small, independent and sort of tough. The school was actually founded right at our home - weird right? We actually still get mail for them from time to time.

So I've been picking up Jax at a nanny share (temporary only) thru Charlie's friends who have a 2 year old boy (a cutie named Magnus). It is out in the cuts and driving there and back puts knots in my stomach. Especially on the drive back - BLINDING SUN GLARE, winding roads, drivers on your ass wanting you to go at least 40 in a 25 with kids crossing the streets, passing by schools and churches and cute (and expensive) homes. Let me tell ya - I will be glad when I dont have to drive there anymore. Charlie has the harder part of dropping him off and lately Jax has not been very appreciative of it. He is very clingy these days. When I leave for work he usually cries, even when he is being held by Charlie.

two nights ago after coming home from the nanny - I was sitting on the couch watching TV while Jax was running about getting into things and playing with bottles (screwing the lids on - one of his favorite pastimes) as he was approaching me to give me the bottles he suddenly gasps drops the bottles and points with not just his fingers but kind of his entire body. He is super excited for some reason and quickly runs while yelling in delight to the windows and as I turned around to see, I notice the cats. he was being delighted by the neighborhood cats walking about who just stopped right in front of the window. Jax was pointing to them in amazement and screaming with delight, mouth ajar gasping absolutely fascinated by them...it was the cutest thing ever.

I'll post more photos from our trip to Monterey and a real update too, hopefully um...soon?

ps - would you be worried if you googled the name of one of the daycares you were looking into and the first result is a myspace page with a questionable profile ID? (And the profile itself screams - I still act as if I'm a bubblegum teenager and god forbid you actually want to read my profile but you cant because i've bedazzled the shit out of it.) I mean, seriously? If you were smart you would have one not associated with the other, right? or is it just me and its totally appropriate?

the poor guy had a fever last night but this morning, he woke me up with his little giggles and cuddles. 45 minutes before my alarm went off.

It's hard to take pictures when he moves around so darn much (and its from my phone)! we got this trike thing (not part of the recall, i think. um i hope) awhile back but he just started to really be into it. more like be a menace on it! he totally climbed and stood on it all by himself and even tried to rock it that way! we of course were good parents and told him not to do that while laughing and taking pictures (further encouraging him im sure).

Charlie's been busy trying to get out there and get a teaching job and we've been fortunate enough to have had amazing friends watch Jax for a few hours while Charlie was out and about. But it seems like we will have to seriously find something more permanent (hopefully..its bittersweet) soon - a daycare situation or a nanny share or something. what we really need is some sort of drop-in care really, since most likely Charlie will be able to get substitute teaching jobs and those are usually at a moments notice. sigh...no more daddy day care?!

yesterday after work, i decided to go home and pick up jax and go to ikea. ever since our playdate with Eve last weekend, where he had climbed in and just sat in Eve's little arm chair, i have been itching to get one. well when i researched the cost of one similar - it was a little pricier than I thought it should be so i checked ikea - and they had one for 30 bucks! SOLD! We had dinner there too. and that was somewhat of a challenge since i was by myself. i had forgotten how it was to be with jax by myself, in public, where people can judge my parenting abilities.

 so this is how it went down, mostly in my head of course - i had jax in a mei tai carrier and my trusty medela pump bag on one shoulder carrying a bunch of unnecessary items that i probably wont use but you know just in case. anyway, i go up to the counter, grab a tray..ok, i can do this, i think to myself. i order a salmon platter for jax and a meatball platter for myself, put it all on the tray..ok, i got this, it takes a little bit of balancing and swatting jax's hands off of the tray luckily he is facing me and not the tray (doesnt mean he is more cooperative). i grab a glass, pay the lady who wants to chit chat while i just need to find the closest table away from people who will be annoyed by food being thrown at them or the floor, which i could try and control but its either that or a screaming child. take your pick. so i find a table near another group with a kid who looks to be close to jax's age but a tad older. i grab a high chair and strap jax in. phew, that wasnt so bad. oh wait. i forgot utensils. crap. now, do i leave him strapped in and walk away for a second? surely, this mom next to me would understand right? eh..ok, i unstrap jax and pick him up and take him with me to get the utensils. crap, my drink. go back up and get a drink. ok, im good to go. and finally sit down to eat..all goes well and then he drops his fork. then my fork. then my spoon. and then i forgot i dont have any napkins. is it okay to use the only cloth diaper i brought as a napkin? why didnt i bring any wipes? what? there has to be one in here somewhere? oh well. we finish our food and jax begins to say hi to this couple behind us, who i thought was totally annoyed that i sat near them (well maybe the guy was but not the girl).

anyway, i let jax loose amongst the kids furniture and he loved it. he loves the free open space and loves being chased. we bought the chair in the photos and some other little items. so far, he is liking the chair. it kinda matches our glider right now, but i'd like to change the fabric some day, when im not lazy (HA!).

BTW, if you want to know when a good time to avoid mass amounts of people at Ikea is - its right after work - like at 5. it's pretty deserted and it feels like they are about to close but you have like 3 hours (to what almost feels like) all to yourself.

Happy Friday!

throughout the day i get these lovely picture text messages from charlie. sometimes my heart melts and sometimes i laugh out loud (in my office. to myself. and get weird looks from my coworkers)  - i mean look at jax's face in the above picture. making a mom fool of myself at work is so worth it.

sorry there are no pictures for this - but i should have been prepared. you would think the camera was strapped around my neck at all times just for these moments.

So last night as the hubby was tinkering on the internet preparing for his day today to solicit a teaching job at private schools in the east bay, i was downstairs watching on demand catching up on my tv shows - actually it just serves as background noise and fodder. i ended up just chasing jax around for fun and noticed him being quiet for a few moments as I was able to watch some bits of my show. and then, he comes up to me and (shoves) shows me his bottle that he so ingeniously figured out how to screw the lids on. i was amazed. and then thought, wait maybe im losing my mind and I was the one that had put the lid on in the first place. so i unscrewed them and gave him a couple of more empty bottles and lids and again he was quiet for sometime and I got to watch some shows. And sure enough he really did screw those lids on!

So we went upstairs to share the news with papa, and much to my enthusiasm on the subject, he was not surprised at all..i guess jax had already been snapping lids to things before tonight :(..oh but i said - he screwed them on! and Charlie said oh, no he hasnt done that. YES! alas - something i was there for..victory is mine, or err jax's. ahh such fine motor skills that boy. As I lay on the bed, reading a book and relax a bit. jax is running around (and around and around), in and out of our bedroom to his room, to the bathroom and i guess i didnt notice that he had brought in his body wash/shampoo and unscrewed the lid and spilled it all over our bedroom floor. crap, such fine motor skills.

*I moved the original post over to my other blog. it just fit better there and should have been there in the first place. and after mulling about what i wrote some more, i wanted to add that i know things dont change overnight and being human i often expect that and then some. but it takes time and we are going to stumble and fall in the process (meaning, im still going to get frustrated easily but i wont use my grief as an excuse.)