I wish to be able to do whatever the fuck i feel like doing at any given moment. which is whatever i am the most comfortable with, whether that involves cursing the person who is partially responsible for doing this to me in the first place and or cursing the same person who keeps telling me to just breathe.

I would like to have a video recording of my labor and/or the birth, but you better not be all up in my vajayjay and if you are my coach, you best put the damn thing on a tripod and fucking be giving the support i need. and dont even think about having the flash on when taking pictures. im trying to give birth here.

If there are any procedures, operations involved or decisions to be made, you best ask me first before proceeding and if i am incapacitated and can not act on my own, ask my husband AND my midwives who will act as my advocates, especially in the case of a hospital transfer.

We plan to have our baby at home. The following is our plan for our baby’s birth, preferably in water. We understand that labor can have many variables and just as many unexpected outcomes. We are prepared to 'take it as it comes', changing our decisions along the way. We also understand that a home birth is not for everyone and just like hospital births, can carry risks, some that you can not prepare for. In the event of transferring to hospital due to emergencies, we look for guidance from our midwife, and we ask that she take on the role of our advocate.

My Birth Plan:

If there is any research I should be aware of, I would like details as far in advance as possible.

I would like my husband, my mother-in-law and my midwives to be present.

I would like my privacy and dignity to be respected at all times.

I would like my husband to be able to join me in the pool if I so choose OR I may wish to remain on my own in the pool with my birth supporters outside the pool.

I wish to have music of my choice playing or absolute silence – no white noise machines.

I wish to have talking going on amongst ourselves and not on the subject of birth, pain or labor, unless it is asked for or is necessary.

I would like to have the lighting dimmed or off to suit my needs.

I would like to remain as active as possible, finding the best positions for myself and changing these as I wish.

I would like to try and rest between contractions wherever and whenever possible.

I would like monitoring of my progress and of the baby to be kept at a minimum unless there is cause for concern.

I would like any proposed intervention e.g. breaking waters, acceleration, to be explained and discussed first and ideally to be kept to a minimum.

I would like to have suggestions on how to reduce or overcome the discomfort I am experiencing.

I do not want to use the word “pain” in the description of what is occurring or am feeling.

I would like to use massage AND/OR move around AND/OR bathe and be given lots of support to help with this.

I would like to use the water birth pool at any stage of labor.

I plan to use any position to help ease my discomfort. I may ask support from my husband in order to do so.

Advice will be welcome, and I am open to considering other pain relief options, such as homeopathy, if necessary.

In transition, when I am overcome with self doubt, I would like reassurance in the following ways:

- Remind me, that we are at the transition point, that this short period, although the most difficult and uncomfortable, has an end.

- Remind me, that when I say “I can’t do this anymore”, “this is too much”, or anything signifying my fears and doubts that after this peak, if I can just get over this wall – our son will soon be born, that I CAN do this, that my body is made to do this.

- However, I do not want a cheery cheerleader.

I would like to deliver my baby in water but if I feel uncomfortable, I wish to exit the pool and deliver elsewhere.

I would like to find my own comfortable position for pushing.

I wish to know when the head is crowning.

I wish to feel the baby’s head AND/OR see it in a mirror.

I will appreciate advice and guidance at this time to guard against too quick a delivery giving the perineum time to fan out thus (hopefully) preventing a tear.

I do not wish to have an episiotomy unless it is absolutely necessary.

I hope to avoid tears and will appreciate support to adopt positions to minimize them.

If one occurs I would prefer not to be stitched unless it is essential to healing.

We plan to take photographs AND/OR video of the birth.

Once the baby is delivered, I wish for immediate skin on skin contact.

I wish to breastfeed my baby as soon as it is possible and necessary, guidance on this is welcomed.

I wish to deliver the placenta naturally.

I wish the cord to remain attached until it stops pulsating.

I would like my husband to cut the cord.

We would like to be consulted if our baby needs to go to special care/hospital.

I would like the communication between my birth team to always be open and free from worry or doubt, whenever possible. I want my birth team to be comfortable with each other and help in my comfort.

To my midwives:

I would like to be informed and be able to discuss all eventualities as they arise. Please share any concerns with us as soon as they arise. It will help us to know the answers to these questions:

1. What is wrong?
2. What do you suggest and why?
3. What would be the possible outcomes with and without this intervention?
4. How much time do we have to make a decision?
5. Are there any other courses of action open to us?

We will be guided by balanced and informative advice.

I trust in my birth team to have the health of the baby & the health of the mother to be the only priority.

If absolutely necessary, I will transfer to the hospital and would like my husband and the midwives to be there with me.

In the event of a hospital transfer, I do not want to feel discouraged or promote the feeling of failure of a natural home birth.

Should a medical problem arise, we expect both the problem, and any required procedural changes to be discussed with us.

We may withdraw any of our requests at any time before or during labor. If any of our plans cannot be carried out at the hospital for reasons of policy and procedure we wish to be informed of this ahead of time.

In case of emergencies or hospital transfer -

· No medications will be administered without prior consent of the mother, or in the event of her incapacity, her midwife. This request excludes none and specifically includes oxytocics, analgesics, barbiturates and tranquillizers.

· No intravenous fluids will be given without prior permission or good medical reason as determined by the parents and the physician in consultation.

· There will be no routine fetal monitoring, either internal or external. Frequent listening to the fetal heart is expected. A Doppler may be used if desired.

· The father and midwife will stay throughout labor and birth, even in the event of a cesarean section.

· The mother will walk during labor and will be assisted by staff in assuming whatever position is most comfortable during labor and birth. She will not be arbitrarily confined to bed during labor. If the birth is happening away from the bed, say in the shower, I do not wish to be moved from this position.

· There will be no episiotomy without medical reason. The parents or nursing staff may apply warm, wet cloths to the area around the vagina prior to delivery.

· The parents will be the first to touch the baby's head. The father may catch the baby.

· We do not give permission for students, hospital house staff, or other non-essential personnel to be in the room during labor and birth. If a training midwife is allocated to work with the midwife looking after me this is acceptable.

· The room will be warm and the lights dimmed. Excessive noise will be avoided and people present at the moment of birth will speak very softly.

· The baby will have skin on skin contact with the mother after being delivered. A blanket will cover the baby. The baby may be nursed within minutes of birth. In the event of a cesarean section, the Father shall have skin on skin contact with the baby.

· The cord will not be clamped or cut until it has stopped pulsating, unless it must be cut to complete the birth of the baby.

· The 3rd stage of labor is not to be rushed, but is to proceed at its own pace. The use of oxytocic drugs and manual removal of the placenta is to be reserved for true medical emergencies. I will look to my midwife for her opinion of the hospital’s call of true emergencies.

· Any medication, vitamins or other supplements shall not be given to the baby without prior consent and explanation of reasons to provide them.

· The baby is not to be washed immediately. Blood and meconium will be gently wiped off.

· All care of the baby is to take place while the mother is present. The baby is not to be taken to the nursery unaccompanied. Either the mother or father must always be present.

Gestational Weeks 21-24

The Sixth Month

Baby's Growth

baby's skin has become opaque (it had been see-through), but it is still immature. The retina of the eye continues to form, but that also is not mature yet. The circulation to the lungs is forming, and the lungs are beginning to develop surfactant (a substance that keeps the lungs from sticking to themselves), however the lungs will be one of the last parts of your baby to fully mature.

His body has caught up with his head, and although the head is still large compared to an adult, your baby's body and head are in the right proportions for a newborn. His brainwaves also resemble those of a full-term newborn. He is developing a sleep-wake pattern and may be developing an active time that is pretty regular from day to day.

At the end of the 24th week your baby will be around 10 inches from crown to rump and weigh 2 pounds.

Mom's Changes

For most women the second trimester has brought some welcome changes. The uterus is too large for the pelvis, so there is less pressure on the bladder, but the uterus is not quite large enough to cause real problems with eating and breathing. You should have more energy than you did in the first trimester, along with an increased libido. You should also be feeling the baby move every day.

Weight gain should be pretty steady now, meaning only that you continue to gain weight, not lose it. The growing uterus may be causing stretch marks across your lower abdomen and sides. The pressure of the uterus may also be causing some constipation and heartburn.

Your thyroid gland is more active during pregnancy, which may cause an increased perspiration. Some women find that the increased blood volume during pregnancy causes their gums to bleed and nosebleeds.

Although still early, some women begin to have leaking fluids from their breasts. It is normal for the breasts to leak, and normal for the breasts not to leak. It will have no effect on your ability to breastfeed.

Common Symptoms

The following symptoms are commonly experienced during this month.

Feeling Movements - YES!
Heartburn and Indigestion - NOPE, yay!
Constipation - hardly now, yay!
Bladder Infections - um, no thank you.
Stretch Marks - not yet, :(
Contractions - nope, thank god.
Leaking Breasts - not yet.
Bleeding Gums - OH HELL YA!
Pelvic Pressure - kind of, occasionally
Hemorrhoids - oh no, no thank you (i have seen what this looks like - OH. MY. GOD.)
Leg Cramps - yep
Nosebleeds - nope.
Shortness of Breath - oh yeah, you try going up 51 steps each day and going up and down the house just to use the bathroom.
Blotchy Skin - eh..dunno, maybe.
Swelling - no, thankfully.
Vaginal Discharge - your usual though..i mean pre-pregnancy
Varicose Veins - oh no! not at all, hopefully. but my mom does have them!
Weight Gain - oh yeah..pre-pregnancy weight = 126lbs, last check up= 145 lbs...yipes.

We're off to LA for the long weekend to visit cw's family mostly. Hope everyone is doing all right..and if not, tell me about it, im all ears.

"A gory video meant to shock teenagers into avoiding pregnancy by showing a girl giving birth on a school field is capturing plenty of attention..."

gory meaning graphic meaning what exactly? oh that unicorns and fairy dust don't come flying out of your vagina when you give birth? and that birth is some god awful thing..

oh wait, sorry this is about teenage pregnancy..

how about showing the affects of having a baby at any age, not the birth, in order to educated people? you can only deter some, i tell you..and while we're at it - why is it always directed at the teenage girls? what about the teenage boys? and seriously, parents? have we come to the point of giving up all of our responsibility of being parents to the media, because we can't talk to them? i suppose so. I forget we live in a society that allows 31 parents to sue their children's high school over the notion that a lesbian reverend explicitly stated and gave exact details on how to "turn" or "become" gay. Did these parents not see that by doing this - they have pretty much said - i have no responsibility on my children or their education. that i am allowing other people this responsibility and therefore not my fault if shit goes wrong in my children's life. any longer. and seriously people, how to "turn" gay? seriously? my god. i forget how some of our irrational fears get the best of us and can do a lot more harm than good.

anyway back to the video - so they show this teenage girl delivering her baby on the school yard..as if it was being filmed on a cellphone. how about showing a film of a crying baby, feeding, changing diapers, no more visits to the mall without the child in tow, no more visits to the bathroom by yourself, no more proms, no more glittery stickers and easy peasy skips in the park..and to do this single-handedly because any chance the teenage father will be accepting their responsibility too? the cost of the baby, just how your future as you know it will be different...this aint no doll...but you know what, if it helps by all means...it all boils down to communication..both ways - the whole communication thing and communication means listening up too not just talking (and not talking over)- my family, well - not experts, not even novices with this thing called communication! Boy do i have some stories... - oy, what i will eventually have to go thru myself with my own kid...

anyway, some of the feedback to the video and article talk of this and some simply say - this is why abstinence is the best route...um, excuse me? if it was the best route would we be having this conversation..

okay, there is my second rant of the day.

from one of the pregnancy daily digests i receive (the one that usually gets my blood boiling in the morning! and as cw would say, why do you even read/bother with those things?? simple, im crazy.)

"So im wondering what castrol oil is (think i miss spelled it) ?? They told me it helped to have your baby want to come out.... but when I asked my husband if he knew... been the guy he is he just told me it was enginne oil... so im still not sure what it is. Does any one know what it is and if it really works???" - 36 week pregnant "woman"

and the replies/advice to this posting:

"castrol is engine oil. castor oil is something that makes you get sick and/or have diarhea. I wouldn't recommend drinking either one." - 27 week pregnant woman

"I am pretty sure it's engine oil, and "supposedly" it works. I have never tried it (nor really needed to) though. If you drink it, it will give you the runs and may make you throw up. I would start with rubbing it on your belly. If you do decide to drink it, mix a cap ful with some OJ or some other juice" - Mother of 5 children

and finally after several of the above comments to her post:

"Please don't drink motor oil. It is called Castor oil. And as a nurse I would not recommend it. It is a laxative and will cause you great discomfort for probably nothing. There is no proof that it will put into labor or no guaranty def not worth it."

"You poor thing! Castrol oil like has been said is engine oil and could kill you if you drink it! ...CASTOR oil is a laxitave but I have witnessed 3 people who have tried this method and all they did was throw up horribly! It is slimy and nasty I have tried it myself only because my preg. cousin didnt want to do it alone:) but anyways I would go with those other methods... Exercise is refreshing and will not only make you feel good afterwards but helped me go into labor with both my kids. Sex, and nipple stimulation, also work Ive heard. as for spicy food, Im not sure if heartburn would be an awesome cherry to have on top of labor but if your used to that it may work:) Good Luck to You and Your Baby!!!!"

To clear this up for some at least the likes of this poor woman - Castrol is a name brand of engine oil not to be confused with Castor Oil...JEEZ LOUISE...and Castor oil has been used for centuries as a cure all for just about every ailment imaginable. and its gross.

the thing that gets me fired up about shit like this is, 1) are these people under the proper care? 2) are they asking their doctors these questions or are they too embarrassed? cause honey, you should not be embarrassed (i know, i know i may be ridiculing you right now, but seriously? what if she actually took to drinking the damn engine oil?) to ask the doctor that may or may not see you in the spread eagle position. 3) are they taking any action to educate themselves from appropriate knowledgeable resources (not JUST babycenter or babyzone or even your best girlfriend)? um, yeah, probably not...it upsets me that some of these women who post messages (far more serious ones than this posting) are pregnant and do not have the proper support to a) go thru the pregnancy healthfully and b) that their kid will be...well anyway...i had read a few other postings and it's ..well, yeah - why do i read these things. from women in co-dependent and or abusive relationships asking advice on what to do about their baby daddies (not what they should be doing for themselves and the health of their baby) to women who can not for the life of them find out the actual date of conception (seriously, does it matter? this is why they calculate it from your LMP because it is difficult to gauge the actual date of conception because every woman ovulates differently AND, if you are already pregnant - is that really something you should be worried about and concentrating over? a date of conception? JEEZE LOUISE)

okay thats the rant i have for today, but its still early.

I totally spaced and forgot to say that - I felt the baby move! and last night definitely confirmed that those were, indeed baby movements.

it's not like what i read about or tried to anticipate. it was kind of anti-climatic. sorry, but thats the truth. not the excitement of actually feeling it but the feel of it, itself. of course, since i have an anterior placenta, i wasn't able to feel the first flutters - so maybe that would have been a different and exciting feeling.

to tell you the truth, it feels like an uncontrollable muscle spasm. like, you know, when you get that weird twitch from an arm or thigh muscle, out of nowhere, completely spontaneous? and you know, when you get those twitches you ask a friend to feel it but when they put their hand there it does nothing and they think you're crazy? yeah, it's exactly like that, but it's made by a little human being, which makes it kinda creepy and cool at the same time.

it was the baby's first present on my first sort of mother's day.

We had our first home birth prep class last night and surprisingly, it was actually good. It was a nice warm and inviting environment in the instructor’s home. The decor was similar to my own taste and the instructor had several visible tattoos, so I knew I would fit right in. The other soon to be parents were also around our age or older, some with tattoos and otherwise a laid back mentality. The instructor is a certified doula and a mother of a 2 year old. Her mother is also a well known midwife in the Oakland area. In fact, her midwifery services were one of the ones on our list to interview but after we met the midwives we have, we knew we could stop looking.

Cw happened to have liked the fact that Mason, our midwife, was an avid cyclist and raced bikes almost every weekend and most importantly was a mother herself. I still feel bad about our first interviewee, who is also well known in the midwifery community. She is a member of the Bay Area Home Birth Collective and serves on the board of the California Association of Midwives. She was great, don’t get me wrong, but maybe because it was our first interview I wasn’t feeling it. After our interview seemed almost at it’s end, Cw asked a final question – Do you have any children? And No, she didn’t. Which half of me after interviewing her and the midwives we do have, I felt the need to hire her, just cause I know she probably struggles with that question and the parent’s decision because of it. Okay, maybe she doesn’t struggle. I don’t know. I’m just always one for the underdog, and who is to say, just because you aren’t a parent, you don’t know how to take care of a pregnant woman? anyways…

I really liked the atmosphere of our class, the energy of the other parents and just all of us being on the same boat, all there to be more present at our home births. Of course, I was the only one there in her second trimester. All of the other women were much further along, two were at 31 to 32 weeks and the class runs for 7 weeks! Two other women were just 4 weeks ahead of me. So it’s all good. I often felt it was too early to sign up for a class now, but this was the first and only class I found that was centered around home birth and by the time the class is over, I’d be at 28/29 weeks (WOW!). Which is around the time you go to a birth class, i suppose. But again, it was hard to find a home birth prep class and Nickie, the instructor, didn't know if she would have it again so soon after this one. So whatever.

I liked the class a lot more than I thought I would. It helped me to feel like I was normal amongst the quirky not so normal crowd if that makes sense. One woman spoke about or rather asked the question that I have always held in my own head and have tried to get an answer for or find a dialogue about, was – the fact that I see myself as this tough chick and what if this is something I can’t really do. How is it really? Not that we want to hear horror stories (ok, half of me does) but anything but the sugar and spice and everything nice bit that all mothers tell you. the details please, the details. how IS the pain, really?

I guess my one fear if anything is – what if all this time, I’m not that tough at all. I’ve always thought I was this tough chick, a tomboy, desensitized towards pain. But what if this is the one thing I can not physically do?

But then that’s just really fear of the unknown. Just like going back to get a tattoo after a hiatus. I get a little nervous cause I don’t remember how the needle will feel like or if it will hurt this time around because so much time has passed. But once it starts it’s all good. and I wouldn’t necessarily call it pain. That is always the second question people ask me about my tattoos. The first is usually, is it real? Or are they finished? Then its on to – did it hurt? Was it painful. And honestly they weren’t painful. I have never explained them that way. I always said it’s more of a discomfort than pain. A burning sensation at times, but never painful. And perhaps this is what I need to use and think of when I think of the “pains” of labor.

The fact that millions of us exist, the fact that millions of women give birth all over the world each day. This fact is comfort alone. To know that my body is meant to do this, that I will be able to do this. We touched on this in the class, it was something that I needed to hear again. Our midwife had said to me before that if I could push thru the pain and was willing to sit for hours to get a tattoo, then labor will be no different. Sure the sensations may different, but how you will react to them – you will know what to do. Our bodies are designed to do this.

Anyway, the class touched on nutrition, which our midwives are always on top of. And the instructor spoke of salt intake and the misconception that you should restrict it from your diet. To which Cw erupted in laughter to which I had to explain to the room why. She and the other new parent’s to be also spoke of alcohol intake. And from it, I felt like I was a purtian or something, for being a little conservative of my feelings on the subject. Our midwives also do not condone ANY amount of alcohol. But apparently theirs did. I don’t mind the fact i "can't" drink anyway. It’s not like I crave a beer or a glass of wine or shots of whiskey and or tequila. Its the fact that I am not supposed to or can’t, is what I have trouble with. It’s hard for me to be told you can’t because I’m stubborn and like to prove people wrong and break all sorts of rules, but don’t worry, I’m not drinking, not even a sip.

The husbands and father’s to be contributed a lot. Asked questions and showed that they were really being part of their wives pregnancy – to which I uncomfortably and silently started feeling like I was getting shafted. I silently wished that my husband would do the same. That he would take it upon himself to learn and understand what i was going thru. what my body is going thru, what his son is going thru. i didn't voice this until we finished the class and went to taco bell (sorry Mason) and i brought it up and started crying. I then realized this would be the second or third time i cried in the drive thru of this particular taco bell. Cw just sat there listening, obviously feeling as if i was scolding him. i don't know, maybe its all the hormones (yes, it is the hormones), but i don't know, i honestly dont know what i want, or what would help or be comforting to me. i guess i just want him to be a part of it more so than what he is doing now. he helps me be comfortable in my role, but what about his role? but then again, i dont think i could stand to be with someone who was overly sensitive to my being pregnant. or the fact that he read up on everything so when i would complain, he would chime in and be like - oh well i know what you need, or i know what you are going thru its this thing so if you did this you may feel better. yeah, i dont think i would necessarily like that. i'd probably ask him to take me to taco bell and start to lash out and cry again.

so for me, the active participation part is not so much for the benefit of using it to comfort me or to give suggestions or solutions to what is occurring but to not just have me be the one going thru it. studying up on the fact that our lives will be forever changed. Cw has always been this even keeled guy, laid back, neutral and calm - nothing extreme about him except when he gets uber goofy. he is definitely a mellow guy and that's part of his charm. and i dont necessarily want him to be all freaked out about it, i just want him to be educated, thats all. its like the birth of our son is this big exam and well, up until then you go thru studying, not that you will ever be prepared for what is to come. anyway, i hope this class will help and open him up to all of it.

even though i have doubts of myself as a parent, I do not doubt that cw will be a great father.

so all of this is just, hormones?

i just bought a shit ton of books. some to give to cw and cw's mom who will also be present at the birth. yes, i know what you're thinking. she will be seeing me naked, in all my glory. weird, i know. i just try not to think about it in that way. i picture her being my coach's coach. in case cw freaks out or can't get a grip or what have you, i know that his mom will get it together and either step in and do whatever is necessary, or help cw snap out of it.

i also bought a stethoscope because at this stage in the pregnancy, we can hear the baby's heartbeat with one, supposedly. not sure if i really will be able to since i have an anterior placenta. which explains why i (still) haven't felt the baby move. he has an extra cushion in front of him. i guess typically, the baby is in front of the placenta, directly able to punch the mama but instead in my case, he has the placenta to use as a punching or kicking bag, for now at least. it is said that it will naturally or usually, move its way behind the baby or something. as long as the placenta isnt blocking the cervix then its all good. and its not, so its all good.

lately we, (or i mean, i) started to think about diapers and vaccinations. aside from thinking and preparing for the birth, there are so many other things you either have to be informed about, so when you get there you're (kind of) prepared, or just get worried over, like disposables versus cloth diapers. oh and the cost of it all. sheesh. and if cloth diapers, thru a diaper service or what? after much researching, i think we are going to do cloth diapers and compostable diapers. the thing is, both options - disposables and cloth has its advantages and disadvantages for the earth, our pocketbook and our sanity.

cloth -
in the long run, its cheaper and much better for the baby (no chemicals, no off gasses, no plastic etc.) and environment because it doesn't linger in landfills for eternity. but, you still have to wash them, and how much water and energy do you waste to do so? and with diaper service, legally, they have to use chemicals like bleach to remove stains and odors and other chemicals to make sure it is balanced for a baby's butt and then another chemical to remove the trace of all the chemicals they just put in. plus the fuel for the delivery vans to be picking and dropping off of the diapers, not to mention the water and power to run the plant to do all the convenience for you.

disposables -
do i even have to go into it? Disposable diapers are more convenient- yes, but their production requires petroleum (a non-renewable resource) and miles of forest lumber, plus manufactured synthetics and account for almost 2% of household waste in landfills.

So with my research, we found an alternative. these diapers similar to disposables, but are flushable and or compostable. since our neighbors are gardeners and we already compost, it seems like the right fit. we just compost like how we normally do and throw in the earth friendly diapers (pee pee ones only) into a tumbler and then use the compost/soil for the garden. easy as that, but not really. we'll come to find out how it will all play out once the baby has his say in it. for all i know, he may not like the cloth diapers or the earth friendly disposables. so only experience will tell.

i was a cloth diaper baby, but then again it was the 70's and not in the states yet were disposables were the norm or accessible.

and as for vaccinations, i liked this article i found on it.

oh and we are still having a difficult time agreeing on a name but maybe its best to wait anyway until we meet him.