right now i should be enjoying my one hour uninterrupted nap, since i asked cw to please take the baby. and i said that endearingly, really i did. but unfortunately the stupid ghetto birds are flyin up above and making a whole hullabaloo like a crazy crack fiend looking for their next fix.
so, ive been quite cranky lately, which cw can attest to. we've even gotten into a few arguments. and it all boils down to this = im a mother. and being a mother, you cant turn it off. not to say you can turn off being a father but, there are certain perks a father enjoys that a breast feeding mother cant. so, in order to not be under attack from a cranky partner (me). i thought id make a list for a go to remedy of my crankiness. but you see, if he had read those parenting books i got a long time ago, he would have found a few tips before ever needing any type of solution. sure we're all in this together, right? and by together i mean you should suffer from lack of sleep just as much as i am. im kidding. ok, no not really. ive heard from other mothers, okay i read it in their blogs. what helps them so here are suggestions to other new parents if you so need some solutions:
it would be nice if you could do this for your partner (like me!) ever so often, so that she doesnt go crazy on you, the baby and your relationship: give her at least 1-3 hours "off" at least once a day, or even twice a week (or more would be great). so that she has time to and for herself for whatever she wants. that's it. its that simple. how do you do this is up to you. here are my suggestions:
1. pay attention to your baby's fussiness during the night and get up to tend to him or her. be the one to change his diaper - even if its 2 am and if your wife pumped, then let it be your turn to feed the baby, rock them back to sleep, and place them back to bed.
2. pay attention to your wife's fussiness. if she is extra cranky, take initiative and tend to the baby without being asked to. hang out with your baby without mommy for up to 3 hours, especially if the baby has nursed already. go for a walk, or just another room. just let her have some time to herself.
3. surprise her - with anything: a clean bathroom, or a clean kitchen, or all the dishes clean, a tidy living room, or bringing home take out for dinner. or simply when you get home, taking the baby from her.
remember she can't take a day off like you can or go out and do the things you do on a regular basis. even when you give her these precious few hours to herself, she is still thinking and perhaps worrying about the baby and its only naturally that even sometimes, after only an hour has passed - she wants to take the baby in her arms and snuggle and chomp on his cheeks..i mean you know, love him.
its nice when cw purposely asks to be cut early so he can come home and hang out with us, or when he puts aside his other commitments to stay an extra hour or two at home before he has to go to work just so we can all hang out or so i can eat. its the little things...i love you cw, and i know you are doing your best because you are the best. its all new to the both of us including lil jax and it just takes time to get into the groove of things.
okay my hour is up.
Finally right? well i have a bit of time to myself cause cw has jax and im also trying to ignore his whimpering and fussing and just letting cw figure it out and handle it. since hes gonna have to figure it out sooner or later how to handle all thats required when you are taking care of a baby all by yourself because come december its his turn to be the stay at home parent.
so trying to recollect what had transpired on the eventful day/days when jax was born is sort of difficult for two reasons - one, cause well you really do forget, perhaps to fool you into thinking you can do it all over again in a jiffy, because it really wasnt that bad. second, i kind of feel like i could have done better...i know, crazy right? not that i failed or anything but that i could have been better? my midwives have asked me a few times how i felt about the birth now that its all over and done with and i always answer with a shrug. sort of embarrassed to say what i truly am afraid of - that i didnt do so well. that they think i didnt do so well. i know - that is completely crazy..so anyway..i know thats just all in my head because how can something like that go perfect. how can something like that be anything but empowering. i know, im just being negative and being a debbie downer. what could i have done to have the way it was be better? nothing. even the doubt that i experienced during it, is completely normal and actually to be expected. if i hadnt taken a birth class, that doubt i had would have scared me to pieces and i may not have done as well as i did because the birth class taught me that - that doubt is part of the process. doubting that i cant do this thing that women have been doing, well since the human race has existed, is a sign that, im almost to the finish line.
On wednesday, i went into work for a meeting and did some work at home. on thursday, amy, roz and i went to russian river (i loved swimming when i was pregnant- and no, thats a root beer..but some people drink a bit of alcohol to sort of induce labor~!?) and on friday sept. 11 starting at 5 am i started to feel cramps - like semi intense menstrual cramps. these were more intense then what i had felt in the earlier weeks, to the point that it had me wonder. that and the fact that we were one day away from the due date. but in the back or rather in the front of my mind i didnt think it was anything to consider because my midwife had said he hadnt even dropped into the pelvis and once that happened it could be 2 days to 10 days before his birth. i walked it off and tried to sleep it off but i would wake up when they would return - a sign that it could be something..but not the thing? i really didnt know. i got up around 9ish with cw as he prepared to go to work and i told him, im feeling a bit crampy. he went off to work around 11ish and the cramps continued. they started to pick up around 1 to the point that i thought i should at least start looking up if this is early labor or what. then i started to time it using this contraction master (which is also available as an app on an iphone). it was still pretty erratic but not really and it was at every 7 mins and then it hit pretty steadily to every 5 minutes (typically, when they are 5 mins apart, last 1 min and last for an hour,this is called the ol' 5-1-1 and they want you to go to the hospital, but since i was having a home birth - well, i was already where i should be. ) . by this time i had texted my midwife and she was elated but still said to hang in there. i dont think she even believed it to be the real thing. my midwife ended up being able to stop by and check on me and my vajayjay and i was 1 cm dilated but my cervix was definitely softer and pliable and farther back then a week before. but even then i still think she wasnt too sure. i asked her, so when should i call you - to which she replied - if they come every 3 minutes, last 1 minute and go on for 1 hour, so 3-1-1 - then call me.
at this point, the new birth tub we got hadnt been put together since the other one we had leaked because we just got it that day! and cw was at work. yes, why did he go to work in the first place? i dont know..he didnt believe it himself i guess that soon we were having a baby. oh and my water never broke. its not like in the movies where you water breaks so you know its the real deal (only 5-10% of womens water break) and then you turn to the dad to be and say - honey, its time...yeah, it doesnt work that way, at least it didnt for me. around 5 i texted cw and said, any chance you can come home sooner? - cause if i waited for him to get off at his normal time, he would be home a little past midnight. turned out i didnt need the birth tub anyway - i found comfort in our shower more. the temperature of the birth tub was never hot enough for me to find comfort in it. i spent maybe half and hour in the tub and didnt know what to do with myself when i was pushing thru a contraction. i really think it had something to do with the temperature.
cw did leave work early and when he arrived, i could hear him rush up the steps and tell the neighbors with gusto - i think we're on! this was around 6ish in the evening of sept. 11th and he went quickly to work on putting the tub together, while timing my contractions. we soon got to the 3-1-1 and called our midwives. cw's mom came around 9 or 10 as did my friend amy - at this point i had lost all track of time and was completely enveloped in LABOR and my contractions and lost track of people coming and going. i think my eyes had rolled to the back of my skull and kind of stayed that way throughout.
apparently there was a thunderstorm going on, complete with amazing lightning shows. cws mom and amy had been hoping and crossing their fingers that jax wouldn't make his appearance until after midnight so as not have his birthday be on sept. 11th. most if not all of my laboring took place in the bathroom, with me sitting on the toilet because this was the most comfortable position for me. i didnt think about it afterward, but there i was in the bathroom for hours and hours - not allowing others to use it if they needed to. oh and since i was strep b positive, i had to have an iv of antibiotics put in me during active labor. so the midwives attempted to do so, and attempted to do so several times with no success of getting a vein. i was poked several times and didnt mind it one bit - i was fully concentrating on my contractions to even be bothered by the poking. i remember them asking me if i wanted to go to the hospital to get this going. i said no immediately since i knew once i was there, i would go thru the hospital system and have the baby. by this time i was exhausted, cw was exhausted.
our midwives had us try and rest - yeah, me? rest? how? well, between contractions. at this point, not knowing how much time had passed, i thought to myself - how much longer..i really cant do this anymore..have i hit the wall? when and where is transition? and then i kept thinking - man, if i had said yes to the hospital this would probably be over by now, i would have my baby. and man, i really do understand why women get the epidural. this is where i started to feel like i couldnt do it. i couldnt do this anymore. by this time we were back in the bedroom, me on all fours on our bed with cw passed out on one side and one of my midwives sitting on a chair on the other (they took turns too, one would sleep and one would keep watch). apparently i did get some rest, thats what my midwife told me anyway- i probably was snoring! anyway, like i said i really started to doubt myself and wanted to have it be over with. this is where pamela anderson popped into my head. yes, plastic busted, baywatch babe married to tommy lee and had a sex tape pamela anderson. where i thought - if pamela anderson can do this (she had birthed her kids at home) you better believe you can do it cherlyn. dont wimp out now. PAMELA ANDERSON DID THIS TOO. YES YOU CAN DO IT. PAMELA ANDERSON! fucking pamela anderson did this, you really want to wimp out now?
well..ill have to write the rest of it another day..gotta get back to the baby!!! will answer some reader questions too - and if you have any questions - leave a comment!
*sorry if it all doesnt make sense, its kind of hard to get all typed up when you can hear your baby whimpering and starting to cry and then your boob starts leaking!
yes, i still havent posted my birth story but with help from another blogger i have a really good start on it. anyway, as i sit here typing with one hand and trying to get jax to not only nap but to stay napped for at lest an hour. ok, ill be satisfied with a measly 30 mins. i was looking at some youtube videos - hey man you have to keep yourself entertained when the kid practically nurses ALL the time and there is only so much of my singing the baby can take. luckily he cant call cps to say ive been torturing him with my motown renditions. anyways, there was this one video of a filipino mother and son - 2 mos. old and theyre conversing in tagalog - its cute. and one of the comments was - she isnt speaking english how is it supposed to understand?
yeah...
so..jax is one month old today and if i am able to put him down for a bit i could take and post a new picture...i'll update this when cw gets home - hopefully.
I have been meaning to write my birth story, yes i know i keep promising..but i havent gotten the chance nor the time to put it all together. i actually had started writing it in my head and even thought of a great post to put up (it happened last night and it was really good but i was in the middle of nursing so..yeah. it feels like i am always in the middle of nursing) on my regular blog and i told myself to retain as much of it as i could remember. unfortunately i couldnt remember anything now that i have the time and the chance to.
anyway..daily 10 - 10 new or old things, random or not or whatever - yes its just cause i needed to post something, right amy?
1. people with desk jobs who think they multitask - have no idea what they are talking about. not until they have tried to breastfeed a newborn in one hand, while putting on your clothes, using the bathroom, making yourself breakfast or lunch and read the news/watch tv while trying to scarf down the food you just made in enough time without disturbing the baby. also, i have gotten pretty good at typing with one hand when necessary.
2. i now watch tv shows online or on my phone and keep up with people thru facebook mobile.
3. sleep: we were once napping and i thought i heard something outside and downstairs to which i thought - is someone breaking in? then quickly thought - i dont care. right now jax is sleeping, so i am sleeping before he decides it is no longer nap time (and i had just fed him and put him down!)
4. jax always gets me at his pretend naps. he will be out like a rock in my arms after nursing. a little rocking action before putting him down and yay, hes asleep. for like 10 minutes...no, hes asleep again..wait no, hes not, wait, YES! nope now hes angry and he wants more boob?? we go at this for awhile then he spits up, then wants more and then he is finally asleep and then i just lay there staring at how cute he is rather than sleeping - damn it, he got me. i love this kid, but im biased.
5. my outfits have consisted of just wearing my nursing bra and yoga pants and putting my hair in a ponytail. and to think, i used to consider myself a fashionista of sorts.
6. when i get the time to shower, i try and pack in some yoga and belly dance techniques - this is my fitness routine at the moment.
7. i still look as if im about 4 months pregnant.
8. i drink an awful amount of water. and im not usually a water drinker.
9. jax is finally asleep for a long bit! so im able to type with both hands.
10. and on that note, i think i should eat something, using both hands!
