we had a midwife appointment last friday in which my midwife was concerned and so today she stopped by to check up on baby wagner. little choo choo chugged away at his normal but high 160 bpm, and then within seconds it became elevated and jumped passed 200 bpm. like he had done the last visit which caused our midwife's concern and interest. today she said, make an appointment with kaiser and dont stress over it but obviously it sounds worrisome when i am saying go to kaiser and get checked on. but she said because we want to achieve a home birth, we want to err on the side of caution. so, i will be strapped to one of these doo hickeys above and they will monitor the baby for at least an hour. she fully expects kaiser to be all - your midwife is being silly, everything is fine...and i really hope that is the case.

I tried to get an appointment online, which is the nice thing about kaiser (probably about the only thing) - you have access to your records and can schedule and email your dr. all online. it kept giving me appointments with other doctors i had or apparently have but never my ob. so i call member services and schedule an appointment. the woman couldnt pronounce my ob's name and kept spelling it out instead - oh-gee-a-double u-a, while i'm saying- ogawa after she does this, and yet she continues spelling it out. anyway, she says there aren't any immediate appointments available and she will have to write an email to the office. i can hear her type away frantically then says they will contact me within 2 business days. i do have an already scheduled appointment with kaiser on the 8th so...but then my midwife calls me to check up and see what kaiser said and i told her - well, they haven't gotten me an appointment. so she tells me - if you dont get one tomorrow, i want you go into the er. of course, now im stressed.

so by this time, im a little on edge and i get online and this time i click urgent appointment - and got an appointment with my ob for 10 am tomorrow. i also asked cw to be there with me, luckily he has the later shift and will rearrange his other obligations that morning.

i hope it all goes well. i'll keep you updated.

a little inspiration today - and usually im not into this cheezy type of music. ok, im still really not. and if this type of stuff happens to be on my playlist (cw, you listening?), all hell will break loose. I mean, i know for some they want some meditative and calming stuff, but give me the clash (or at least some kick ass soul music or rock n' roll) over enya any day. and dont you even try and put deepak chopra shit on there. though he did have this to say:

"If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up."

just finished the nursery and guestroom today. its not really "decorated" or anything, just practical and functional. I'll post pictures Monday.

So we picked up our birth tub and apparently they said there is a slight leak, but it was either that or take one that the heater was broken and wait for the part that may come at the end of this month and that tub was the inflatable kind - which is the one i am more familiar with seeing. dont know which is best really.

It's actually called a -5 feet SPA-N-A-BOX:

Here is how they market it - (obviously not for birthing! but i guess it works. I rented it from birthways - and dude, its like $250 for however long we need it i guess.)

Bubble away your Troubles!

The SPA-N-A-BOX portable spa is designed with state of the art technology plus innovations making it the first totally portable spa. It easily fits into those hard to get to locations – both indoors & out! Now you can treat yourself to a soothing,hydro-therapeutic massage anytime you want.

Key Features

* Sets Up in Under 15 Minutes.
* Take It Anywhere
* Roomy and Comfortable
* Superior Quality
* Energy-saver insulated panel design
* Ultra-Strong Liner
* Superior Quality (1000 sold Worldwide)
* Great energy efficiency
* No tool Assembly (under 20 min)
* Fantastic massage action

Soft Locking Insulated Cover

* EXCLUSIVE *

Turbo Wave Massage Action

Our 127 micro jets erupt in a soothing, invigorating hydro massage. A 1hp turbo air blower forces air and water through 127 micro jets; that flow from your lower back all the way up your spine & over your shoulders.You will not find this action in spas that cost thousands of dollars more. (apparently babies may not like this jet action as it may be too loud for them to bare - as told to me by the birthways lady who thought I should be aware of this. it makes sense, everything would be amplified but im sure it would be muffled but none the less startling..but lucky for me this baby has not jumped to any loud noises or was ever startled by cw's violent sneezing at times.)

* EZ SET UP *

The SPA-N-A-BOX plugs into any 110V outlet (220 available). No tools needed for assembly and no special plumbing or wiring is required.

More great features

* Super tuff reinforced liner is made of the same material used in whitewater rafts.
* With an automatic thermostatically controlled stainless steel heater & super insulated panels 2 inch thick to trap the heat. This spa is always hot & ready to go 24/7.
* Soft locking insulated cover is included. An optional hard cover is available.

Well, we'll see how it goes..I think i will set it up this weekend and try it out and also figure where the leak is.

so about the inflatable birth pools. in my opinion they are very very similar to the kiddie pools we are all familiar with, like this one: Aquarium Pool (as seen on yourwaterbirth.com)

Aquarium Pool
- for water birth!

60" x 23"
100 gallons

Three rings with three small air valves.

And you wanna know how much this birth pool costs? a measily $28 thats what!!!! what the hell was I thinking? thats the cost for me to own this supposed birth pool not even rent it because my $250 i spent on my tub, was just so i can rent the damn thing. And who wouldnt want to own a kiddie pool? I mean, once its cleaned and all after the birth of course. I guess part of me was like - well maybe this isnt the right time to be cheap, like i always am? who am i kidding. but with the $250, i get a heated pool, with jets if i want and with the inflatable kind you have to find a way to heat it and keep the temperature, so yeah this is what i tell myself. and after all, the other birth tubs that our midwives suggested were at the cost of $375 to rent, so i kind of saved some money, right? right?? arrgghhh...

If you've never seen a water birth, and would like to (you would? really? well if not, avert your eyes) then check out these youtube videos (and yes,some of these videos are graphic and contain nudity and blood - all part of the process people!):

also here is a water birth story

yesterday on the bus, on my way home a woman sits next to me talking on her cell phone loudly (is there any other way?). I am sitting next to the window and her by the aisle. My stop is coming up, I clearly make a scene as if to say - hey lady, look out I will be getting off at the next stop. I shuffle a bit, press the stop button, gather my bag and prepare to get up. does the lady move over or get up to let me thru? no, of course not. she is still too busy talking loudly on her celly. the bus finally does stop and im like all right lady, im coming thru. i guess she hadnt realized i was a huge annoyed pregnant woman trying to get off the bus. does she move? NO. so instead, she gropes my ass as to shield herself from my big pregnant ass falling on top of her, i suppose. i really do not understand why the fuck she could not even just swing her damn legs over so i can get off. and by the way, its on ac transit on one of the higher seats, so there is a platform i have to get off of before making it to the actual aisle. ugh, i hate people.

and this morning, i told work i would be coming in at 9 instead of 8. i didnt sleep much (what's new?) and was feeling achy and crampy this morning. i rush to catch the bus and actually made it on time to get the earlier one and right at 40th & broadway, a technician gets on the bus and holds up the bus to fix the fare machine for like 20 minutes or so. and im thinking to myself, damn it - i could have made myself breakfast and caught the later bus. this would of course only happen to me.

I am so ready to not have to go to work anymore. i cant believe i thought i could last all the way up to my due date. really cherlyn, really? kudos to those who do! but i want to throw in the towel and enjoy lazy days and get sleep before all of it changes. 1 more week!

so i got my test results back and for some reason i knew that it was going to come back positive. how? i dont know, i just figured worst case scenario type bullshit that my cynical mind likes to wrap itself up in and get cozy with. that and the fact that this pregnancy has been good and kind of uneventful in comparison to others ive heard about.

positive for what?? Group B Streptococcus or GBS. It is a bacteria which many women carry in the vagina and or rectum with no symptoms at all, while for others it can cause infections in the uterus or the urinary tract. The bacteria that causes group B strep normally lives in the intestine, vagina, or rectal areas. Group B strep colonization is not a sexually transmitted disease. Approximately 15-40% of all healthy women carry group B strep bacteria.

A proportion of babies pick up GBS from the birth canal during labor, and again, for the vast majority of these, it will not cause any problems at all. However, a small minority of babies go on to develop Group B Strep Disease, more technically termed Early Neonatal Group B Streptococcal Septicaemia (ENGBSS), which is where the GBS infection causes blood poisoning. This can lead to meningitis and disability or death.

Some women are at far higher risk of having a baby affected by GBS disease than others. Babies who fall into certain groups have a higher risk of developing the disease:

• Preterm babies (especially before 35 weeks, but also before 37 weeks.
  
• Mother having a fever during labor
• Prolonged rupture of membranes - over 18 hours
• GBS found in the mother's urine, not just the vagina
• Mother having had a previous child with GBS disease
• Rupture of membranes before 37 weeks

Obviously I do not fall in these higher risk categories. well, i hope not to anyway.

Arrghh, mention POSITIVE for some bacteria that can cause DEATH will automatically send a pregnant woman careening off the edge, no? so my next thought or rather question is am i still going to be able to do a home birth?

now actually looking back at my kaiser appointment with the ob, as she was setting up her little test taking station she mentioned that this was nothing and its standard procedure to test and that my midwives would be able to administer antibiotics. and actually i dont ever remember her saying if you are positive for strep b its nothing to worry about. she just said or what i remember her saying was - administer antibiotics.

apparently in the UK women are not normally screened for GBS in pregnancy, the vast majority of women who carry GBS during pregnancy and birth will never know about it, their labors will not be managed any differently, and they and their babies will be none the wiser. Women in the UK are not routinely screened primarily because colonization is extremely variable and there is a tendency for recolonization after treatment.

GBS disease is very rare - in the UK, if the mother is known to carry GBS when she is in labour, there is a 35-50% chance that her baby will pick up GBS, but only 0.2-0.5% of these babies will become ill as a result. Putting these figures together, if a woman who is carrying GBS in labour has a 50% chance that her baby will pick up the bacteria, the chance of the baby developing GBS disease is between 1 in 400 and 1 in 1,000.

The source for these statistics is a good introduction to GBS from the Women's Health website, which is owned by a UK obstetrician, Danny Tucker. Note that rates for GBS disease in newborns are higher in the USA than in the UK, which is why you may read of higher infection rates in other articles online. (i wonder why that is??)

These figures are for the average risk faced by all women carrying GBS in labor. They do not tell the whole story, because some women are at a higher risk of having a baby affected by GBS disease than others.

and so after much research (which i wish i had done sooner) like this from empowering birth blog:

From Anne Frye, a few reasons to avoid the GBS test if no risk factors are present:

• Some babies will become ill with GBS without any evidence of colonization from their moms.
• There are risks of fatal or severe side effects due to drug reactions.
• In many cases mom will transfer antibodies to fetus which will protect fetus from GBS infection (see http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/768760?dopt=Abstract or http://www.jci.org/cgi/content/full/98/10/2308 for example). Instead of routine testing, why not a GBS vaccine?
• Antibiotic treatment may cause bacteria to develop mutations that will make them resistant to antimicrobial treatments.

10-30% of all women have already been colonized by GBS bacteria and studies have shown that many colonized women pass on the antibodies that protect against GBS infection to their infants. If almost a third of the female population is colonized by GBS, women probably had to come up with a mechanism of protecting their young (thus the transfer of antibodies) or natural selection would have weeded out moms colonized by GBS, right? So what will happen if we continue to routinely test for Group B strep and administer antibiotics to all GBS positive moms, regardless of risk factors (a relatively new practice)? Will our immune systems be compromised? Will bacterial mutations render the antibodies that protect our infants from GBS ineffective? Hospitals have loads of bacteria and procedures such as more then 12 hours of continual monitoring and more then six vaginal exams have already shown to increase the risk of active infection. Will babies be at an even increased risk of infection, having lost some of the natural immunity passed from their moms?

and from Henci Goer on infection rates for GBS Strep:

"By the way, we do not know what GBS infection rates would be if clinicians kept their fingers out of the vaginas and monitoring devices out of the uteruses of GBS positive women with ruptured membranes because we have no studies of which I am aware, where vaginal exams and internal monitoring were avoided. The GBS organism comes from the rectum and is usually limited to the lower part of the vagina in colonized women where it is harmless to babies. It is possible that avoiding giving the bacteria a free ride on the examiner's finger or through internal EFM or contraction monitoring would be equally effective without the downside of antibiotic treatment. We'll never know because IV antibiotics do work, which leads to the question: If doctors had had antibiotics in Semmelweis' time, would they be washing their hands today?"

BUT apparently - a home birth is still an option after a positive GBS result. You can have a home birth with, or without, intravenous antibiotics. And I remember our midwives talking about it. its strange, usually im so concentrated on the tests and diseases that our midwives tell us about and i dive myself into research but seriously the appointment we had when we discussed GBS, i think i was just not all there since i was still quite raw from my mother's suicide that i couldnt dive into anything. at least i think it was around that time. as i have heard from many suicide survivors time is fuzzy and can only be distinguished by before and after.

anyway, so our next midwife appointment is on Friday the 21st. and obviously i have a few questions:
1. Am I still a candidate for a home birth? (here is a home birth story from a women who was positive)
2. If so, is a water birth out of the question?
3. Are the antibiotics given intravenously or is it in the form of a pill? (I have heard of both oh wait, i think my midwife said/wrote something about how ineffective oral antibiotics were)
4. Now, about placentas, what are your thoughts on placenta tinctures and encapsulation?

hahaha, yes i said it. placenta tinctures and encapsulation...what the what? im gonna get pretty gross up on here (if i havent done so already)...wait, maybe i'll save this for another post..

30 more days to go. THIRTY MORE DAYS TO GO..HOLY SHIT!

So as I have mentioned before, we will be using cloth diapers. but to my horror - there are soooo many kinds to choose from. which ones the best? Which one is also the most economical? i hear most leak and some just seem so uh, bulky.

so as I was surfing the net to find reviews and what not, i found a how to make your own cloth "all-in-one" type diaper. But of course! why didnt I think of this possibility before? oh wait, cause im lazy! but i found some easy to follow instructions (fyi: i actually do better with pictures than with words, since well - i never really follow directions.

If you are interested check these out:

Free cloth diaper patterns
Fitted cloth diaper pattern

So i didnt go to work yesterday, just cause lately in the wee small hours of the morning and then the actual morning when i have to get up to go to work, i have been feeling icky and crampy and utterly bleh. oh and last night was the first time in all my pregnancy, that i had to get up like 6 or 7 times to pee and i peed not like prostate trouble kind of pee, but actual pee pee. yes, i know i cant have prostate trouble but you know what i mean. our next midwife check up will include a cervix check, to see if ive dilated or effaced any. WHOA right!? cause like that means, you know, this baby is almost ready to be here. amazing.

baby is still consistently and constantly moving. its fun when he actually reacts to my pushing back. freaky, but neat none the less. cw one morning wrapped a set of headphones around my belly and played some music but it didnt seem like it affected him much. will have to try it out in the afternoon or at night when he is actually more active.

well thats about it for now. im still in the process of rearranging the nursery so when im finally satisfied with that, ill post some pictures.

What changes are occurring with your body?

From your belly button it should be about 6 inches to the top of your uterus. By this point, you should have gained anywhere from 24 to 29 pounds. (umm, well if the scale i went on was accurate before i was pregnant to the scale i was just on today at kaiser - i actually gained like, ahem..uh, um a total of 43 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!BAHHHHHHHHHHHH)

If you have been short of breath, it is due to your uterus being underneath your rib cage, causing you to have difficulty breathing ( i was having shortness of breath, id say about a few weeks ago but recently it hasnt been a problem). Towards the end of your pregnancy, your baby drops, which is called lightening (well supposedly, he is really down low now and is in an optimal position). The baby is beginning to settle deeper into your pelvis which relieves pressure on your diaphragm, so you are not so short of breath (yeah, thats what i just said, but didnt you just say the opposite?). Lightening can increase the pressure on your bladder, causing more trips to the bathroom (so true, so true but what they dont say is how very little you actually pee).

How big is your baby?

Your baby is continuing to grow and most likely measures between 17 to 18 inches long and weighs 5 ½ to 6 pounds. (now our midwives say we have a petite baby but perfect none the less. so im not sure if this is particularly accurate for me).

What is happening with your baby?

The vast majority of your baby's growth is complete by 35 weeks (woo hoo!). His kidneys are completely developed, and the liver is beginning to process waste. Because your baby has grown so much, you will notice that he will no longer be performing an aerobic workout (uh, what are you talking about? he still likes to jab me quite frequently). There just is not enough room for somersaults. However, this does not mean you will not feel your baby move. His kickboxing routine should stay the same. (so supposedly you are supposed to count kicks and what not or whatever, but then i feel like its just there to once again freak a pregnant woman out as in - oh my god, yesterday baby kicked me like 15 times, today it was only lik13..oh no, he's lost his leg, he's lost his foot bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

So i had a kaiser appointment today to do some blood work to check if my iron levels are better this time - to which i was all shit, i forgot to take my supplements last night. the lab was crazy busy. you have to take a number and i pulled 72, they were only "serving" number 42 when i got there. and then, by the time i did get called, they register you and then you have to wait once again. so i get to the station to get my blood drawn and they supposedly are trying to amp up their "security" and kept wanting to see my id and kaiser card plus verify my stats and address. the blood guy looked at my paperwork and the stickers they print out for the work to be done and hes like - who registered you? cause apparently she printed out like the wrong ass tests or labels or something..great, thanks kaiser. its nice to know i am in good hands..security my ass.

anyway, i got to see lil choo choo today on a short split second (as in blink and you wouldnt have known what the ob had just shown you) ultrasound (sans cw, which i am sure he would have been disappointed to know that one was to take place today w/out him) - ob wanted to check position and heart beat. all was good. verifying what our midwives have said - he is already head down (way down). aside from the blood work i got my group B strep work done today. results in the next couple of weeks.

i told my ob how the closer i get to the due date the more stupid fears arise. like, am i drinking enough, am i eating enough of the right foods etc.. and you know what she had to say? well, you cant really hurt the baby unless you like do coke or something otherwise its all up to chance..this after she had shown me a mere nano second of an ultrasound where i could have made out a way too huge head or an extra limb or an elephant trunk or something. but of course, this is why we have our midwives. although, ill give our ob some credit - she was a lot better today than the other times. she wasnt so displeased this time around with the fact that i chose to have my baby at home. she gave nice alternatives and just simply mentioned that kaiser will be here for me if i (or baby) need or want.

one thing is for sure, its really hard to walk around these days. i feel a lot more pressure in my pelvic region and i dont know, im just tired of working i guess. that and i am just plain ol tired and unsure about a lot of things these days - mostly not about the baby but stuff in general.

im soo tired of getting up in the morning when ive finally fallen asleep only to go to work where its just sort of bleh. work is slow and its hectic at the same time - what with the economy and all everyone is struggling. dont get me wrong im glad i have a job - a good job and especially passing this exam - hopefully an even better job - if the economy ever recovers. and i am getting pretty sick and tired of the micro managing that goes around.

anyway, i have about 19 days before my maternity leave. YES! NINETEEN DAYS! WOO HOO! ugh, but before then i have to try and get my replacement up to speed. id like to create a little task manual or procedure manual but the thing is, i dont have any defined tasks. what i basically do is - whatever needs to get done, i make sure it gets done. and it changes daily. sure i am working on a couple of projects but at any given moment the boss or micro manager can throw me a curveball and then all my energy is focused on that while still paying attention to 2 projects and perhaps doing damage control on another project that im not even privy to.

part of me is scared that being home for 3 months will have me not want to go back to work at all - what with having a healthy beautiful newborn (knock on wood) to look and coo at and the other part of me is scared that after being home for 3 months i can not wait to get back to work - what with having a healthy beautiful newborn and all the worries and demands a newborn will have. the latter makes going to work um far less complicated.

all in all though, i cant wait. im excited and nervous and scared. i wish it were here already. ok, maybe not quite. there still is the labor part that i am not entirely sure i am ready for yet. i think i started to feel crampy - more like diarrhea cramps without the diarrhea - sorry folks a little TMI. not really any braxton hicks - at least i dont think so.

i thought i would be writing more but instead im thinking more. im just, i dont know, still getting used to things. we rearranged our bedroom to fit in the office that was part of the nursery and while i was putting away some stuff (like clothes i will not be able to wear for a long ass time. skinny jeans - ha!) i found my moms card to me after we told her we were expecting. and i just broke down. and yep here are the tears again.

anyway, i should get back to work.