well, 77 days to go..are you serious? wow.
right now i should be studying, but i can't get comfortable enough to concentrate on anything. my exam is on tuesday. and its a test ive already taken. twice, only to fail it. twice. i was 4 points from passing. you need a score of 170/200. its graded on a bell curve and its really fucking annoying. i feel discouraged and already a failure and i would just rather not give my 110%, when in fact i dont have 110% to give right now. sigh. i dont want to disappoint my boss, who is also taking the test on tuesday. and yes, half of me, if not all of me, would like him to fail. thats bad, i know. and i would say i dont want to disappoint myself, but im already disappointed in myself. ever since i was a kid, i was never good at studying. though i did very well in school, i never studied, i crammed. often times i would spend hours the night before an exam or due date of a paper and not get any sleep but "study" or write and i would get an A. the one time i did study several weeks in advance for an exam, i got a C. so there began my horrible study habits. . .
sigh...
well..you asked for it.
Sunday is Father's day and cw has to work. my dad is also on a road trip to atlanta. hes been on the road for the past 4 days, i think. he also likes to text me with news- like what he sees on the road. which isnt much, unless you count sonics and a chick-fil-a, as news to write home to. anyhoot, Happy Father's day to all the papas (and papas to be) out there..cw says next year he'll celebrate it but not so much this year. i suppose its different for him, since even though baby wagner isnt here yet - im already a mother. having the opportunity to care and carry baby already, see and feel the changes that overtake me because of him. but still, i know cw's a father already too. after all when i cant and or neglect taking care of myself, hes there to take care of me. of us.
i bought cw a new daddy tshirt - it reads, the man behind the belly. i told him he could wear it as long as im not with him and at the baby shower. im trying to remember the father's day gifts we used to get (or make) for my dad when we were kids..usually we would get him a nose trimmer, as a joke gift of course (kind of). and one for christmas too (my dads birthday actually falls 2 days before christmas, so we cheat and get him a birthday gift but get a joke gift on christmas or vice versa) but usually we would make him a special card and go play golf or something..i wish we had taken more pictures when we were kids. anywyays..have a great weekend peeps.
I still have about 3 months before my maternity leave as I plan to work up to 2 weeks before my due date. At first I was just going to work up until my water broke (crazy, i know) but ive decided to forgo that and take time off for some me time to just ease my body and mentally, as well as emotionally, prepare for labor and my new duties as a mom.
When I visited Dawn (mother of adorable Penny) we only touched on the subject of maternity leave but she did mention this thing called paid family leave, aside from the more known State Disability insurance for pregnancy (leave it to America to call pregnancy a disability). So it was always in the back of my mind. State Disability provides benefits 4 weeks before your due date and 6 weeks after (and more if you had a c-section) and after this 6 weeks, if you happen to want to and can afford to be out longer to spend more time with your baby, is where the Paid Family Leave insurance program kicks in. The weird thing is, I totally wrote off being eligible for this because when I asked our HR person - she said i didnt qualify because our company employs less than 50 employees. Well, this is not the case. I mean, we don't employ more than 50 employees but I am, in fact eligible, at least from my own research on the program tells me so.
SDI on the EDD site also explains that once your SDI benefits stops, you will be sent the forms to pursue the Paid Family Leave program and can continue to receive benefits. This is because the Paid Family Leave program is part of the SDI program. You can have up to 6 weeks of PFL. And since I will be taking 12 weeks of maternity leave - this is just what I needed to know and now feel less anxious and worried about, because I didnt know if we could afford me being out so long (and of course i wish i could be out longer).
Here is a breakdown of SDI & PFL, for other soon to be mother's living in CA, for more information on your state, please contact your state's websites (sadly, i think this program is only available to 4 states currently):
Workers who participate in the State Disability Insurance (SDI) Program are entitled to a maximum of six weeks of partial pay each year while taking time off from work to:
- Bond with a newborn baby, adopted or foster child
(both parents) - Care for a seriously ill parent, child, spouse or registered domestic partner
Most workers will receive approximately 55% of their pre-taxed weekly wage, up to a maximum of $917 while on leave.
The Paid Family Leave Program is administered by the State of California Employment Development Department (EDD) a state agency, not the employer.
You may apply for Paid Family Leave insurance benfits as soon as you have recovered from your pregnancy-related disability and you are no longer in receipt of State Disability Insurance benefits. You will automatically be sent a claim for Paid Family Leave Benefits - New Mother, DE 2501FP, when your pregnancy-related disability claim ends.
*Employees of small business are covered by PFL if employees pay into State Disability Insurance, regardless of the number of employees in the business.
How do other countries treat parents, you ask? well, let me tell ya (information derived from wikipedia)
Sweden is one country which provides generous parental leave: all working parents are entitled to 16 months paid leave per child, the cost being shared between employer and State. To encourage greater paternal involvement in child-rearing, a minimum of 2 months out of the 16 is required to be used by the "minority" parent, in practice usually the father, and some Swedish argue for legislation to oblige families to divide the 16 months equally between both parents. Norway also has similarly generous leave.
In Estonia mothers are entitled to 18 months of paid leave, starting up to 70 days before due date. Fathers are entitled to paid leave starting from the third month after birth (paid leave is however available to only one parent at a time). The amount paid depends on wages earned during previous calendar year - most will receive 100% or full wage but there is an upper limit of three times national average.
The maternal-leave only system in Bulgaria is even more generous, providing mothers with 45 days 100% paid sick leave prior the due date, 2 years paid leave, and 1 additional year of unpaid leave. The employer is obliged to restore the mother to the same position upon return to work. In addition, pregnant women and single mothers cannot be fired.
The most generous maternal/paternal leave system is in Lithuania, where mothers are provided 8 weeks of 100% paid leave before the due date, 100% pay in the first year, 85% in the second year and additional (third) year of unpaid leave. Either mother or father can take the leave, or they can swap in shifts. Additionally father is provided one month of paternal leave immediately after child's birth.
In 2000, parental leave was greatly expanded in Canada from 10 weeks to 35 weeks divided as desired between two parents. This is in addition to 15 weeks maternity leave, giving a total possible period of 50 weeks paid leave for a mother. There is still no paid leave for new fathers, however. In Canada maternity and parental leave is paid for by the Employment Insurance system.
In the UK, all female employees are entitled to 52 weeks of maternity (or adoption) leave, 39 weeks of which is paid, with the first six weeks paid at 90% of full pay and the remainder at a fixed rate. A spouse or partner of the woman (including same-sex relationships) may request a two week paid (at a fixed rate) paternity leave. Both the mother and her partner can additionally request non-paid parental leave, which can be for up to 4 weeks annually, with a current limit of 13 weeks.
Australia will be introducing an 18 week paid maternity leave scheme starting in 2011, once approved by parliament. It is to be publicly funded, and to provide the federal minimum wage (currently AUS $543.78 a week) rather than a percentage of the primary caregiver's salary. It will not be available to families wherein the primary caregiver has an annual salary above $150,000.
angry yet? Why is America so far behind? oh wait, we are a little bassackwards at times aren't we? oh and we also don't want to be taxed - because how else will the state provide these nice benefits to us? our health care system is just atrocious because it comes down to big business, not the health of the patients or clients. Money is what makes America go round and round - even though our economy is stinkin quite horribly with lack of it - and caring for people, such as preventative care and a holistic approach without overly being medicated, isn't where the money is at. its continuously having us be sick (or think we are going to be sick and have us believing in multiple vaccines of everything and anything or pill to cure any ailment, even minor ones) that funds big business. this is certainly one dirty diaper that definitely needs to be changed.
ok, im off of the soap box now.
So yesterday i had my glucola test/glucose screening but since i had been suffering headaches the past few days, i was not feeling up to it - or really up to going to work. and also add not much sleep due to never being in a comfortable enough position to fall asleep - i called in sick. lately i just havent been feeling all that well, as ive said - ive been suffering from mild aches and pains (sometimes not so mild), fatigue and recently headaches - at first i was writing it off as stress related and perhaps third trimester symptoms. however, my blood test yesterday showed that i have a mild anemia - which would explain all the nasty symptoms ive been having.it is not uncommon with pregnant women to suffer anemia. Pregnancy tends to cause iron deficiency and because of its symptoms can be masked by the same symptoms of pregnancy which include fatigue, headaches, shortness of breath, dizziness or light-headedness, weakness, poor concentration, irritability, and more.
And so you'd just write it off as being pregnant when you feel tired, irritable or have a headache. I've had several blood tests previously and yesterdays was the first time the anemia popped up - but it totally makes sense since my diet has shifted a bit.
anyway, im rambling...i ordered my supplements online thru vitacost.com - our birth class instructor recommended the site and so far ive purchased a few other items - like a homeopathic remedy for my sleeplessness (coffea cruda). we'll see how it goes. oh and thankfully, i dont have gestational diabetes..the orange soda you have to drink for the test reminded me of the fake juice you give to kids - which obviously is not good. on another note, it wasnt till this past monday during our weekly birth class that it hit me - im going to be a mother, i am going to have a baby and pretty soon i might add! i know, i know..what have i been thinking/doing these past 7 months? i mean i know that im pregnant, i know this..and ive been preparing but after watching one of the videos in class - it just hit me..i wanted to cry and be weird about it - it was like this amazing feeling that just overtook me, kind of like an epiphany but not.
oh and i found this site, thank goodness i went to a small enough school that everyone was strange and or different and it was ok. so harassment was kept to a minimal.
the baby is about 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long now, at least on average. and is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out” (thats not my "witty" remark) you know how this preparation takes place? oh by the baby moving about and putting pressure on all sorts of parts, like my bladder (what's new?) and most importantly my cervix..although, im not quite there yet. but i can tell you i am fucking uncomfortable at night. it sucks, but you know, its what happens. so im at the beginning of my third trimester - the last stretch. i cant believe that im here already. i know i still have a ways to go (90 days and more if necessary) but i cant believe how far along i already am. its so weird cause i look back and i remember thinking to myself - when am i going to start showing? and now, well yeah, its pretty obvious. although 2 strange occurrences happened to me on the way to help out a doula training class - 2 guys kind of hit on me?? it was very very strange..maybe they just thought i was fat?
anyway, so the baby - i feel him kick or squirm everyday now. mostly when i am the most inactive like trying to get the last bits of sleep before having to get up to go to work or when im sitting and vegging out to the tv. cw has also felt him now a few times..its pretty neat.
apparently the third trimester has with it the same symptoms as the first trimester..for my case, its fatigue and lots of aches and pains, but thank god no nausea. i do however, sweat like a mofo now but no swelling of hands or feet yet. and even though i dont think i need to go use the bathroom, if someone just mentions it, my body sends a signal to my brain - uh, i think you should just go, just do it. i have tried to fight the urge but just cant let it go. its like when you have locked your car and walked away and then the thought of wait, did i like the back and then even though you are sure you did - its too late, youve planted the seed of doubt so you return to your car..its kind of like that..kind of.
what else is new? cw finally got a job (YAY!) as of last week and went to do training saturday and ended up having to go again on sunday. im all for it, but the fool still hasnt found out how much they are paying him. and i know hes excited because he has a lot of skills he has to offer and they are LOVING it (in fact they need all the help they can get) but then again, its like you also dont want them to get used to you giving 110% for just about nothing especially since they havent told you how much all this work is going to be for. im not saying do a shit poor job at it either. im just saying well...sigh i cant really explain..i guess half of me feels as if they are taking advantage of a great worker and an all around nice guy. but you know, its not my deal. but part of it is too - if that makes any sense? well, im just glad he does have a job and its something hes liking so far, so thats not bad at all.
anyway, a new plan that i have tried to talk to cw about is when the baby is about 12 months old we make sacrifices and have our baby go to day care (it saddens me, but i cant expect cw to put his dreams on hold - that saddens me even more) that he go and work to pursue his teaching credentials. there are several programs out there that will pay him to teach while he gets his credentials. you do your classroom work and get paid as a teacher during the day and take the credential program classes at night. i told him that he should get all his paperwork in order to pursue this right away or at least soon. his answer? we have time..im sorry but not really. once the baby is born there isnt much time for sitting on things and waiting..now is the time. then he talks about translation work and so on and so forth..well, has he been doing anything to pursue that, no not really. it frustrates me sometimes. what even frustrates me more is when he decides to finally do things, he talks about other people telling him about it..like i hadnt been mentioning it? maybe i nag him a bit too much but shit..youve got to understand the pressure im in..anyway, i feel that if he pursued teaching, like he had always wanted to do before even meeting me that it would just fit with life with the baby. summers he's off and can do translation and tutor work while taking care of the kid or kids..i plan to be back at work while the baby is 3 months old. i just have to, for financial reasons and so that gives cw at least 9 months to prepare and get into those internship programs oakland has an abundance of...i just hope he doesnt treat it like our cars registration renewal....which i just paid last night and had to pay a late fee, even though i reminded cw to pay it ages ago...damn it, i feel like im turning into my mother (no offense mom) which is really - a mother...nag nag nag...jesus christ...no wonder he doesnt listen to me..
cw is a fanatic when it comes to those too cool for school type tees (personally, they can irritate the shit out of me - douches who sport the shit while already passed their 30's. i mean you add that and a trucker hat, tight jeans, and aviator sunglasses? im sorry but douches need to know they aint no johnny knoxville..however, i will admit - cw looks mighty fine just dressed in these tees and some vintage levis slacks, especially when he has a five o clock shadow, but then again he isnt a douche so my hatred really isnt towards him and his chosen wardrobe - its towards the wannabe ashton kutchers and what nots, wait, is ashton still cool?...anyways). I mean he has drawers and drawers full of them. seriously. no, really, you should come to our house. the fool has more clothes than i do. so its only natural that our little one would be in danger of wearing one of these himself, but dude - they are so cute..here are a few i liked:
okay so maybe the owl one was more for me..i love the onesie hoodie! there's onesie hoodies?? awesome. ..oh and here are more:
but i think we'll just settle on plain ones and maybe make our own designs..these things are like $20 each or more! and they grow out of them sooooo quickly!
you can find the above items here and here and for the rockabilly babies out there - here. and here are some cute simple ones for less than $20.
this past weekend was the first time i felt utterly uncomfortable with my pregnant self. the sides of my hips are so sore as if i had played back to back rugby tournaments like I was back in college or something. its also much harder to sleep at night because no position is comfortable. all the pillows i have bother cw but they arent much comfort to me anyway. the only time i can get some rest is during the day with naps, but then im awake till almost dawn sometimes. And last night some idiot was permanently honking his horn as he drove hastily by around our block. three times. it was probably around 4 am or so. I could hear him faintly in the distance and louder as he got closer. THREE TIMES.
its a strange sensation. i can feel that my pelvis is opening and or moving to make way for this baby. i can feel the changes of my body reflect the fact that i am growing a human being inside of me that in less than 100 days, will be wanting out of me. WOW, 100 days! is that right? i know my new little ticker over there says, what? 96 days or something?
anyway, all i can do is complain and try and stretch out the pains but nothing really helps. cw tries to help with his wisdom, but it sometimes makes it worse for me cause its not the same as a sport injury or when someone throws their back or anything like that..i know this feeling, this soreness won't really go away until the birth or something. and no matter how many exercises or stretches i do, it won't take the pain or soreness away. though it may help it lessen but it wont make it go away entirely. its just my body adjusting and doing what it needs to do, what its required to do - it kind of just doesnt give a fuck if i like it or not. its just something i have to learn to deal with. pregnancy is surprising, there is never one thing you expect or can truly prepare for, such as life and defintely parenthood...
So I tried to join this parents connect thing online and I am surprised I lasted so calmly while repeatedly filling in the same god damn information at least ten times because for some stupid reason, whoever designed the form and code neglected to figure in that if you checked off mom to be and put in a due date, that the requirement of putting your child’s name and birth date on the following question would be fucking retarded. It was perplexing and I was like – why am I even bothering with this? Well cause it was fucking bothering me. So, I tried to circumvent it. There was a remove button on the child thing, so I did that but then forgot to retype my password, so then I did it all over again and yeah that didn’t fucking work..and then anyways, yeah I don’t know why I did it over and over and over..it was just stupid. So I did the next best thing – fucking sent off an email to them telling them they were stupid. okay, breathe….sigh..its the little things, you know?
So, in my first trimester and still now, I was overloaded with advice from books, people and so forth. Yesterday, I think I got my first positive look from a stranger and was greeted with a smile. Of course this came from a mom herself so there you go. But mostly I get kind of weird looks, like they’re dumbfounded at the site of a tattooed pregnant woman. Already I am apparently off to a “bad” start – which is weird seeing how so many people in the bay area are tattooed and so many people in the bay area are well you know, loose. Ok, maybe loose isn’t the right term, I mean liberal. So anyway, back to that advice stuff..on stuff you aren’t supposed to eat or do or whatever. After awhile you just get tired of it, and less and less guilty and just throw caution out the window (i know the idiom is throw caution to the wind but, whatever, sometimes american idioms dont make complete sense to me) - I eat hot dogs, regularly if I could. I eat deli meats in a sandwich smothered with sometimes regular ol’ mayonnaise, but I make sure to warm the deli meat so that it’s “steaming”. I eat chicken Cesar salads. I lift things, move furniture around, at least when I get the urge to (re)decorate. I lift my hands up above my head (apparently, an old wives tale on how to strangle your baby in utero). I eat fish (but yes of course I avoid the ones with known higher levels of mercury – babies need Omega 3’s & DHA which is abundant only in fish (oil)! Though flax seed offers a different type), and yes, occasionally I even eat sushi (just the deep fried stuff). One thing I still haven’t gotten out of my head and surrendered to is eating delightful eggs benedicts, which happens to be my favorite thing in the world for brunch. I just can’t get it out of my head that its “bad” and its been like 26 weeks since my last eggs benedict – probably more..sigh..so I have decided, perhaps this weekend I will just live on the edge and make it at home or something. Oh I can just taste it now..glorious poached eggs, yummy creamy fattening hollandaise atop avocados AND bacon (yes, bacon) on top of a crisp yet moist English muffin – wait, or a buttery biscuit?..oh yeah, that sounds good. besides, im well past my 1st and almost past my 2nd trimester (I have about another 2 weeks!). I will not be a puritan no more.
Damn it, im hungry.
so, i get asked a lot - how far along are you? how many more months? and i just got off the phone with one of our vendors (yes, i am at work as i write this, supposedly, you know, working) and he asked me, and its never quite hit me so hard as when i said it today - im almost 26 weeks so i have about 14 weeks..FOURTEEN WEEKS!?!?!?!! Wait, is that right? Holy SHIT! thats like, whoa! thats like soon, like around the corner..okay maybe not so much but dang these months went by quick! it simply evaporated. one minute i was like 16 weeks and the next thing you know..i have a bit over 3 months left..SHIT.
I was bored and it being our lazy sunday, i had cw open up the first gifts baby wagner ever got. first up was the pack n play from sweet lady s and to my delightful surprise found that it also has a handy dandy bassinet feature. so we can definitely place this next to our bed for a sort of co-sleep function or to frighten the kid, as cw demonstrates in the photo. the kid being our stuffed owl at the moment. next up was the car seat n stroller set that his mom got us. though the directions werent entirely clear, cw managed. and its a pretty awesome set. i think baby owl liked it a lot, it even came with the, you know, thingy for smaller babies like newborns to fit in snuggly, kind of.
after much excitement it was off to make more homemade jam, this time a mixed variety - strawberries, peaches and plums oh my!
